


Love Rats

by guiltipanda



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: A plot that ran away with me, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, At a length of 40 chapters, Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Bottom Prussia (Hetalia), Brief Prussia/Liechtenstein in later chapters, Dramedy, Established Relationship, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Heterosexual Sex, Implied Sexual Content, Intentional Cheating, Light Bondage, Love Triangles, M/M, Most of which were written unplanned, Mutual Masturbation, One-Sided South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), Oral Sex, Overall I give it a 7/10, Plus some porn, Porn With Plot, Prumano - Freeform, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Slow Build, Terrible People Who Become Less Terrible, This is less porn with plot as it is plot with occassional porn, Unintentional Cheating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:14:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 42,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guiltipanda/pseuds/guiltipanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stress and alcohol can make you do really stupid things. Like sleep with your girlfriend's friend's boyfriend. </p><p>That was the only way to rationalize what they did. As for everything that happened after—all the lying, cheating, yelling, breaking, mending, falling in love, falling out of love—all of that? Well...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Prologue of Sorts

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on FF.net, but I decided to finally start using my account here. (Still figuring out the mechanics, so bear with me.) Expect short chapters and irregular updates with this, because life is crazy right now. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Gilbert lied in bed fully awake but paralyzed for a good thirty minutes, listening intently to the crackling sounds of frying eggs coming from the kitchen. He wasn't sure what would happen once he stepped out into the open apartment, but, knowing who was currently making breakfast, he was prepared for this morning to go poorly. He knew what he'd done wrong, and he had to make things right again. As right as they could be, anyway.

He forced himself to crawl out of bed and shuffle towards the open doorway. All their clothes still laid strewn across the floor. Gilbert almost went out completely naked, till he stopped to rethink that course of action. Not the best idea. It seemed a silly thing to worry about decency _now_. Nonetheless, he plucked the comforter off the bed and dragged it with him.

Lovino was fully dressed in a button-down shirt and slacks, scraping a frittata out of a pan and onto a plate. Gilbert, wrapped in Lovino's comforter, dug his toes into the plush carpet just outside the bedroom, finding himself uncharacteristically at a loss for words. The pan clacked against the stove top as Lovino set it down to fiddle with the dials, never once glancing up.

"How do you want your eggs?" he asked nonchalantly.

The thought of food wasn't very appealing with the knot of guilt and fear that swelled inside Gilbert's stomach. He looked around the kitchen at the array of ingredients spread out on the counter, amazed by Lovino's ever-healthy appetite.

"Do you...remember what happened last night?"

Lovino picked out a couple of eggs from the carton beside him and carefully placed them on the counter. "Which part? The part where you came to my apartment in the middle of the goddamn night because you were locked out of yours—again? The part where we got drunk?"

"I was thinking more—"

"The part where I fucked you?" Lovino finally looked up at him. His cold, penetrating gaze made Gilbert's mouth go dry. "Yes, I remember."

Memories from last night filled Gilbert's head, inundated with pain and desire that he wished the alcohol had erased. He wrestled with them to be able to speak at all. "Then why—why are you just cooking eggs? Like this is a perfectly normal morning. How are you so calm?"

He shrugged. "My inner monologue is an endless chorus of screaming anyway."

That way of referencing his own insecurities and anxieties in a vague, offhanded fashion didn't grant Gilbert any insight. He understood very little about them, and he couldn't think of a single instance where he'd seen them rendered. He wondered if Lovino had any idea how uncaring he appeared to everyone else around him.

"What are we going to do?" Gilbert asked.

"Are you planning on telling Liz?"

"No. She would murder both of us. Me for cheating on her, and you for cheating on her best friend."

"Right," he said, placing a hand on his hip. "Well, I'm not planning on telling anyone. So, everything is fine."

"Everything is _fine_?"

"It was one time. We didn't plan it. It didn't _mean_ anything. We were drunk. It wasn't even _good_."

Gilbert agreed with most of what Lovino said. While his memory was spotty, he distinctly remembered that it _had_ been good. Very good. If it had been bad, he wouldn't have been as distressed as he was.

"We can forget about it, and everything will be fine." Lovino shot him a sharp look. "Okay?"

Gilbert held his gaze, and, without much choice, said, "Okay."

Unblinking, Lovino studied him for a long time. He wasn't quite glaring, as he often did, but he was serious, calculating. In moments like these, Gilbert wished he could glimpse what was going on inside the man's head.

"Okay," he said finally, picking up the two eggs in one hand. "Now, how do you want them?"


	2. Chapter 2

Gilbert had been lost in a daydream when Liz suddenly grabbed his arm and screamed in his ear. He jolted, and within seconds had a perfect excuse prepared for whatever it was she was yelling at him for, before he realized she was squealing with delight rather than anger.

"Emma?!"

A pretty girl with short blonde hair, walking in front of them along the sidewalk towards the college's student center, turned toward the sound. Her mouth formed a perfect 'O' of surprise. "Liz?"

Emma and Elizabeth had been best friends in middle school, but had lost touch when they'd gone to different high schools. Gilbert gathered that much, and he didn't really care about the other details involved. He nodded at the words coming out of Liz's mouth as she tried to summarize their history for him, but not one stuck. He'd perfected the art of tuning people out while pretending to be interested in what they were saying a long time ago.

"And, Emma, this is Gilbert," Liz eventually remembered to say.

It stung a little that Emma had to ask if they were dating. They'd been in a steady relationship for several months now, yet people were always surprised to find out. Granted, they didn't act very lovey-dovey. Elizabeth would get angry or embarrassed when Gilbert tried to hug and kiss her in public when they'd first started dating, and somewhere along the way he'd stopped trying.

That was only in public, though. When they were alone together, it was a completely different story.

"I'd love for you to meet _my_ boyfriend," Emma said.

"Oh, what's his name?"

"Lovino." In a suggestive manner, she added, "He's _Italian_."

Liz practically drooled while Gilbert could only roll his eyes. As far as he understood it, the reputation of Italians for being living sex gods wasn't unwarranted, but their tendency to be callous, lying bastards was something that he felt should get equal recognition.

"You know what we should do?" Liz looked back and forth between Emma and Gilbert with a wry grin. Uh-oh. Gilbert could guess what was coming.

_ Don't say it _ , he thought.

"We should go on a double date sometime!"

_ No, we shouldn't. _

"That sounds like fun!" Emma agreed.

No, it didn't. But Gilbert couldn't say that if he wanted all his fingers to remain intact and attached to his hand. It had been cool at first to have a girlfriend who could handle herself and wasn't physically intimidated by men, but over time all the playful punches and violent impulses had become less fun and more annoying. He did his best to avoid them at all cost, and in line with that he found himself dragging his feet into a small coffee shop a few days later for their stupid double date.

The café was relaxed and not too crowded. One of those dimly lit places with a chalkboard behind-the-counter menu, so it felt unique and not unique at the same time. They'd chosen it largely because it was down the street from the college and easy for everyone to get to—Emma had mentioned that her Italian boyfriend also went to school with them. The two of them were easy to find, sitting close to the entrance at a window-side table.

"Gilbert, hi!" Emma greeted with a cheery smile once she noticed him.

The slender little brunet beside her, presumably Lovino, looked Gilbert up and down with such detached criticism. He'd already decided what he thought of Gilbert, and, judging from the scowl on his face, he was anything but thrilled. That was okay. The feeling was mutual.

"I thought you were supposed to bring your girlfriend," he said.

"She's on her way," Gilbert explained as he took a seat across from them. "She got back to our apartment a little late, so she told me to go ahead without her."

"Mm."

Lovino's attention drifted out the window. The late morning sun glanced off his face. He had that narrow, high bridged nose that Italians have. Defined jaw, pronounced cheekbones, the whole deal, but his features still had a softness that prevented him from looking too manly. He was just as panty-dropping gorgeous as Gilbert had expected him to be with his Mediterranean skin and a combination of dark hair and green eyes, which absorbed the sunlight to look almost yellow, but Gilbert wasn't fooled by his good looks. This guy was definitely an asshole.

"How's your day been, Gilbert?" Emma asked. Her voice sounded like a secretary's.

Gilbert felt a little sorry for her. She seemed like a sweet girl. All she wanted was to enjoy a double date with an old friend. Unfortunately for her, she was stuck trying to engage her friend's boyfriend, who she barely knew and who didn't want to be there anyway, and her own boyfriend, who was definitely an asshole. He decided to be nice and indulge her.

"Alright. Got out of class early. Went home and caught up on a show."

"What show?"

"The Walking Dead."

Lovino's gaze flickered back with curiosity. "You watch The Walking Dead?"

Her expression lifted, thankful that he'd joined the conversation, and she flashed a triumphant grin. "See? And you were worried that you two would have nothing to talk about."

He tsked.

"I wasn't _worried_. And lots of people watch that show. Doesn't mean we have some fucking kinship now."

While Gilbert agreed, now that he knew Lovino wasn't hopeless as far as his taste in television was concerned, he thought it might not be impossible for them to at least have a decent conversation while they were being forced to interact. Optimistic, he asked Lovino, "Who's your favorite character?"

"I don't have a favorite character. The ones who have status immunity are obvious, and everyone else is likely going to die at some point or other."

Gilbert blinked. "Status immunity?"

"Either they're a main character or they're too popular with the fanbase for the writers to kill them off. That's why characters like Rick, Michonne, and Daryl are never going to die."

Such a clinical response wasn't what he was expecting. It wasn't very conducive to friendly discussion, either. "I like Daryl," he said, as if demonstrating the kind of answer he was looking for.

Lovino groaned. " _Everyone_ likes Daryl. Like I said, that's why he has immunity."

"But how can you _not_ like Daryl? He's got an awesome crossbow, and he's so badass! And he's probably the sweetest grubby redneck to ever live."

"He's _fictional_."

Gilbert wasn’t the most patient person even when he was in the mood for it, and he certainly wasn’t in the mood for it now. Not resisting the urge to retaliate against Lovino's over-serious condescension, he quipped, "You're just a fountain of rainbows and smiles, aren't you?"

That struck a nerve. Lovino's face turned bright red, and a fire raged in his eyes so ferociously that Gilbert worried that he might need to seek shelter from his impending wrath. He opened his mouth.

"I'm gonna get some coffee!" Emma announced before Lovino could say a word. She flicked the back of his head before scuttling to the counter to order, and Lovino's mouth shut again, like she'd flipped a secret switch. He crossed his arms over his chest and went back to staring out the window.

A tense silence filled the space. So much for friendly conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

Lovino eventually got bored of gazing out the window. Too bad for him, though, because Gilbert was bored first and had found a means of distracting himself that didn't involve acknowledging his presence.

"You are the fucking worst at socializing," Lovino complained, breaking the silence. Gilbert snorted a bitter laugh; Lovino didn't realize the irony of his statement. "Don't play on your phone when we're on a double date."

 _"We're_ not dating," Gilbert said, eyes glued to the bright screen. "I'm not obligated to talk to you."

Lovino huffed. "God, you're an asshole."

 _Hello, Pot, I'm Mr. Kettle._ "My date isn't here yet."

"And my date's getting coffee. So, entertain me, you—"

"This _fucking_ game!"

Lovino jumped in his seat when Gilbert shouted and nearly chucked his phone across the room. "What the shit?"

"It's this Star Wars game I downloaded. The gameplay is ridiculous, and there aren't any good characters."

It wasn't an invitation to another attempt at conversation. In Gilbert's frustration, the words were ejected almost against his will, but the next thing he knew Lovino said, "Let me see."

He scooted forward so he could have a better look at Gilbert's phone. When that proved not to be enough, he grabbed it—not taking it from Gilbert, but putting his lightly tanned hand over the other's white one with only his fingertips touching and pulling both hand and phone closer to _make_ Gilbert show him what he was playing. For a moment, Gilbert just looked at him. There was something about the Italian that troubled him. Not that his face was suddenly very close, or that his hand was covering his, or that his long, dark lashes and bright eyes made him look that much more feminine. It was him. Or, more specifically, it was his hair.

An odd little curl shot out from his head. _Why the hell was it so familiar?_ Well, it wasn't hard to imagine that they'd passed each other on campus before and that the distinctive feature had stuck with Gilbert. Still, there were other things. The red tint of the brunet locks, the way his bangs fell around his face. Gilbert recognized them from more than just a brief encounter, but he couldn't remember where to save his life.

Lovino's eyes drifted up and he raised an eyebrow. Gilbert felt the heat rising in his cheeks and he started talking again before Lovino could ask about his staring. "It's stupid. You don't even get Darth Vader until, like, way later. You either have to wait forever to unlock him, or you have to pay about a hundred dollars. It's so annoying. You get _Kylo Ren_ before you get Darth Vader."

"It makes sense," Lovino said. "Darth Vader will always be more popular than Kylo Ren. You're just being a baby."

"Okay, but they don't even _have_ Obi-Wan."

"He's right there." He pointed at the screen.

"That's Old Ben. See, it says so."

"They're the same fucking character."

"Yeah, but I want to be young and hot Obi-Wan from the prequels."

Lovino looked up with a start. Gilbert could only wonder why he was so alarmed. Maybe he was one of those people who shrank back like a cat from running water at the mere mention of the prequels. No doubt he was pretentious enough. "So, basically," he said uncertainly, "you just want to be Ewan McGregor."

"God, I love Ewan McGregor," Gilbert sighed.

Oh. _That_ was the reason.

Olive green eyes searched Gilbert's face for a moment. "For a muscle-headed jock, you're super gay."

"Excuse you. Muscle-headed jock?" He had to suppress a grin. He had a nice body, sure, and he was proud of it, but that was one that he’d never heard before. He intentionally overlooked the _"super gay"_ part and said, "I'm in orchestra, thank you very much."

Lovino reeled back, his expression filled with horror. "You're in orchestra?" he asked in a hushed voice, like the words were so awful that he was struggling just to repeat them.

"Yeah?"

" _I'm_ in orchestra."

Then, Gilbert remembered. Being in the practice hall at the college, sitting in the flute section, hating that the flute section always had to sit right in front of the percussionists, wishing he could be further away from the eardrum-obliterating cymbals and timpani. The violinists had it easy. The lucky bastards were always in the front. From where he sat, he could only see most of the back of the first violinists' heads and parts of ears and cheeks. There was one head in particular that always caught his eye. An otherwise uninteresting brunet head with an odd little curl standing out near the part.

"I knew I'd seen you somewhere before!"

Who would have guessed that they had so many similar interests that they could talk about? It was kind of amazing.

Wait. No. This was terrible. Because now Lovino wasn't just the back of a head with a weird curl whose seat he wanted to steal, and he wasn't just the Italian boyfriend of some girl that he would occasionally be forced to hang out with. They could no longer pass by each other as strangers who hardly remembered that they happened to share an elective. Now they'd have to endure awkward eye-meets and one syllable greetings, or pretend that they hadn't formed a deeper connection than they'd ever wanted to.

Or, Gilbert thought unwillingly, they could be sort-of friends. Not the kind of friends that you chose, or the kind that you wanted to talk about life with, but the kind that you ended up being around because it was convenient, the superficial ones you pissed off whenever the opportunity presented itself just for a laugh.

Lovino glared down at the table. The reality of their situation was hitting him, too.

"Goddammit," he hissed. "God _dam_ mit."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accidentally somewhat long chapter.

Emma was an angel from heaven. That was the only logical assumption Gilbert could make that explained why she would be dating someone like Lovino, why she so patiently overlooked all the suggestive smiles and flirtatious comments that he directed towards Elizabeth, and why in all of this she would be most worried about _Gilbert_ , quietly seething in the corner of the department store where they were shopping.

As the weeks had progressed, Emma and Liz had started spending more and more time together to catch up on lost years. The only thing that Gilbert could be thankful for was that it was mostly casual activities and not just stupid double dates—except he wasn't thankful when it was shopping, because that was just as, if not more, torturous. The tension between him and Lovino was still there. Every time Gilbert was able to look past the Italian's sour attitude, he did something to remind him why they didn't get along.

_Like flirt with his girlfriend._

Emma stood beside him, her face soft and full of almost maternal concern. Gilbert's glare was fixed on their significant others as they perused the ladies' clothing section, Liz having asked Lovino for help on choosing what looked best.

"Does he do this a lot?" he asked.

"He used to do it to every girl he saw."

It sounded like an exaggeration, but Gilbert didn't believe it was. Lovino was just the kind of asshole who would hit on every girl he passed by, even when her boyfriend was present. Liz kept blushing and grinning like a giddy high school girl, not trying to hide that she was enjoying the attention. Probably because she wasn't used to getting any.

"Why do you put up with it?"

"He doesn't do it nearly that often now. And he doesn't do it to hurt me," she said. "That's just what he thinks chivalry looks like."

She was too sweet for her own good. Gilbert wanted to ask if she ever suspected that Lovino might be cheating on her, but he thought that might be crossing some sort of line. Instead, he told her, "You could do better."

Even if Lovino had a reason,—a really lousy reason—she couldn't allow him to treat her like a doormat.

A little grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. "He's not as bad as you think he is. I know he hasn't done much to make you think otherwise, and I know he can be...a little difficult. But once you get to know him..."

Gilbert despised that phrase. No one was a better person once you got to know them. More often than not they were worse, but you learned to put up with their shitty behavior. Besides, Gilbert didn't want to get to know him.

"Be nice to him, if you can," she urged. "You probably don't want to, and you're not obligated in any way, but if you're nice to him I swear he becomes like a different person. You might start to get along better."

That sounded like common sense. Most people were nice to those who were nice to them first. But Gilbert had been nice from the start, hadn't he? Well, he hadn't been outright rude. Regardless, he had a hard time imagining that Lovino would improve any considerable amount if only Gilbert tried being nicer. It was too much effort, anyway, for someone he didn't even care to be friends with. Gilbert preferred to just ignore him.

That, however, was easier said than done. Not only did their girlfriends tend to drag them along when they hung out, but the orchestra had been having extra practices in preparation for the spring concert. Neither one of them wanted to see the other as frequently as they did, but they couldn't avoid each other either.

For a brief moment, as Gilbert was walking into practice one day, he considered what Emma had said. There was Lovino, sitting with the rest of the first violinists, delicately tuning his instrument. Gilbert walked by him on the way to his seat.  _Here_ _goes nothing..._

He smiled and waved to Lovino. "Hey."

The Italian looked at him sharply, like he was an escaped mental patient.

"Don't talk to me," he said. "We're not friends."

It didn't get much better after that. They kept most of their opinions about one another quiet so as to not make a scene (or make their girlfriends scold them), but what Lovino said remained true. They weren't friends. Anyone who might have thought they were based on the fact that they were sometimes seen together, after taking a closer look, could easily figure that out. They built their relationship mostly upon smartass comments and half-joking insults:

"Gilbert, why would you mug some poor homeless person and steal his clothes? That is the only explanation I can think of for whatever the fuck you are wearing on your body."

"Maybe if you didn't always have your head up your ass you could read what key we're playing in. Can you hear what I'm saying in there? You. Are. _Flat_."

Over time, their dialogue evolved to include short exchanges like:

"Did you just say you _don't like french fries_? What does that even mean? How could you not like _french fries_?"

"I don't like potatoes in general."

"Oh my god, you are literally Satan."

Most of these ended with Lovino criticizing Gilbert's vocabulary ("Out of all the fucking words you can possibly use to emphasize your point, _'literally'_ isn't one of them.") and Gilbert flipping Lovino off ("How's _this_ for emphasis?"). They never really went anywhere. But then, one such conversation led to an unforeseen step forward in their relationship:

They were leaving orchestra practice, Lovino a few feet ahead. "The Walking Dead comes back on this Sunday," he said in a way that made it seem like a general statement, not that he was addressing Gilbert specifically.

"Dammit! I forgot, Liz works Sundays now. She hates The Walking Dead. She'll probably come home all tired and tell me to turn it off so she can study or something."

He smirked. "Sucks for you, I guess."

"I could always just commandeer your TV to watch it." Lovino frowned, clearly not amused by his proposition. Gilbert hadn't been serious, but when he stopped to think about it, he said, "Why not?"

"Gilbert, if you steal my TV, I will not hesitate to file charges against you."

"No, I mean, why don't I just go over to your place?"

Gilbert had never been to Lovino's, but it didn't feel like a weird thing to suggest. They saw each other a lot nowadays. Even if Gilbert didn't like Lovino, he could put up with him if it meant that he got to watch his show in peace.

"You...want to come over to my apartment and watch TV?" Lovino asked.

"What? We're just gonna be watching a show. One we both enjoy. It's not like we have to talk to each other. I promise, you'll forget I'm even there."

Lovino didn't answer immediately. When Gilbert asked again, because he really did want to see the episode, he shrugged. "I don't care. If you follow me home, I can't really stop you."

"Jesus, you make me sound like a criminal."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you were a criminal."

"The only thing that's criminal about me is my dashing good looks."

And cue the chronic eye roll.

It was such an innocent thing. Watching TV together. But, looking back, when he started going over to Lovino's apartment was where things started going wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

"Jesus Christ," Lovino groaned at the sight of Gilbert on his doorstep. "She locked you out _again_?"

"Just let me in," Gilbert said.

He pushed his way into the apartment without giving Lovino a chance to argue. He wasn't in the mood for the Italian's taunting, and he knew that Lovino wasn't going to invite him inside. He never did.

"This is still my apartment." He shut the door and latched it all the same. "Maybe I should start locking you out, too."

"You wouldn't," Gilbert said with a cheeky grin. "You like me too much."

Lovino, of course, rolled his eyes.

In actuality, Gilbert had no idea whether Lovino liked him or not. At first, they just watched The Walking Dead together. Friendship wasn't necessary for that. But when Liz started resorting to kicking Gilbert out (of _his own_ apartment, mind you) when she grew exceptionally frustrated with him, not knowing who else to turn to, Gilbert went to Lovino. He grumbled and complained and made Gilbert regret asking him for help at all, but he didn't turn him away. So, maybe Lovino didn't hate him. He never stopped being an asshole, though—hence Gilbert's confusion. But, in the end, Gilbert supposed it didn't really matter. Their remarkably unimpressive relationship, such as it was, relied on the fact that they didn't care too much about each other.

"I'm not the one you need to worry about liking you," Lovino said. He followed Gilbert to the couch and sat at the opposite end from him. "What did you do this time?"

"It was a stupid argument. I don't even remember what I did, but somehow it turned into me never appreciating her, and not caring about the things that are going on in her life. Which isn't true! I care about the things she says. I just...don't always remember everything she says. I listen. Well, I get distracted sometimes. Not because I don't care!"

He tried desperately to cling to his defenses, but they only crumbled the more he talked on. He couldn't remember the last time he genuinely paid attention to Liz when she tried to tell him something. His eyes fell to the floor and bore a hole in the carpet. In this moment of self-awareness, he realized that there was something seriously wrong with his relationship, and that he wasn't entirely blameless in it all.

"Am I a shitty boyfriend?" he wondered aloud.

Lovino nodded. "Probably."

"Gee, thanks."

"I was joking."

"You're not funny," he said bitterly. "What do you know about being a good boyfriend, anyway?"

Lovino glared. "Fuck you, I'm a great boyfriend."

"Lately you seem like you don't even like being around Emma." That wasn't saying a whole lot. Lovino never seemed to enjoy anyone's company. But when it came to his own girlfriend, Gilbert expected there to be some kind of affection between them. Sure, he'd seen them kiss and hold hands and all the stuff that couples do, but Emma was always the one to initiate. Gilbert could never tell if Lovino actually _liked_ his girlfriend.

"It's..." Lovino turned an angry red. "It's not that I don't like being around her. It's just..."

"What?"

"Tch." He averted his eyes. "I don't want to talk about this with you."

"Come on. I got all sentimental and shit with you, now it's your turn." The only way Gilbert could think of to make up for how carelessly he'd bared himself in front of Lovino was to encourage him to do the same. Mutual exchange meant mutual preservation.

He groaned and dragged his fingers through his hair. "I've just been frustrated. We haven't had sex in a while."

Oh. Well then.

"How long?" Gilbert asked, not really knowing if he still wanted to have this conversation. He wasn't particularly interested in Lovino's sex life, though he found it pretty funny that the smooth-talking Italian dreamboat couldn't get laid.

"...A while."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Whenever I try, she doesn't want to."

Gilbert shrugged and said, "Maybe you just suck at it."

" _Please_ ," Lovino scoffed. "I am a fucking _god_."

"You're a narcissist is what you are," he countered, unimpressed.

"If I could have sex with myself, I would."

"It's called jerking off—you sad, tiny person."

"Shut the fuck up! I'm an incredible lover!"

"Jesus Christ, do you say your own name when you come?"

Lovino's steely finger fixated on Gilbert as he shot up from the couch. "I don't need this shit from you. Your girlfriend locks you out of your own apartment once a week."

Gilbert nodded thoughtfully and leaned into the couch. "Probably the only reason she stays with me is because we have awesome sex." A smirk spread slowly across his face. "Unlike you and Emma."

Lovino scowled and shook his head. "God, this is making me depressed. I need a drink."

He marched to the kitchen, and Gilbert took the opportunity to turn on the TV. They'd already watched the latest episode of The Walking Dead, so he put on some mindless comedy movie, just so they would have something to fill the silence. Gilbert hated sitting in silence.

"I should start making you pay me whenever you crash at my place," Lovino announced upon his return, a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses balanced in the other. "You eat and drink my stuff, and you raise my cable and electricity, and what do I get in return?"

"I _exist_. That's payment enough."

He snorted. "You're more trouble than your pathetic company is worth."

"Okay, fine then, let me just give you all this money that I don't have!" Gilbert said, tossing imaginary bills into the wind. "I'm a broke-ass college student. How am I supposed to pay you?"

Lovino brought the glass to his lips and muttered into his drink. "I'll think of something."

He chugged that drink, and the five or six after it. Gilbert didn't doubt that Lovino needed to cut loose for a little bit, and it didn't sound like a bad idea. He never paid much heed to Lovino's complaints about how he drank his alcohol and stole his snacks or any of the other things, and besides, Lovino had brought the extra glass. Gilbert followed suit and drank to his heart's content. They were through with their second bottle before the movie was halfway over.

"You shouldn't stay with Elizabeth if you're not happy," Lovino said quietly as he stared into his recently refilled glass.

Gilbert was taken aback by Lovino's sudden seriousness. After a moment of thought, he said, "It's not all bad. We still have fun together sometimes."

"Is it more good than bad?"

He sighed and sunk lower in the seat. "I don't know anymore."

The movie ended. The credits scrolled up the screen and a voice-over announced what was coming on next. Gilbert brought his knees up to his chin and hugged his legs, staring blankly at nothing in particular.

"I just don't want to be alone," he murmured.

He turned to see that Lovino was leaning into him, and he thought he was trying to say something. His addled brain expected something important and heartfelt with how close the other man was. So close that Gilbert could smell the shampoo in his hair. Even as Lovino's hand reached up to touch his face, Gilbert had a difficult time figuring out what was happening. Soft lips pressed against his, and he instinctively returned the kiss. The tongue that pushed its way into his mouth tasted like the bitter wine they'd been enjoying.

Gilbert didn't know he was being pushed back until his head hit the couch cushion. Lovino never broke away from him. He came down with him, laying on his chest, situating his lower half comfortably between Gilbert's thighs. The kisses grew deeper, more desperate. Gilbert was responsive to the heat of it. His hands ran up and down Lovino's back and pulled him closer. After the impossible amount of time till Lovino finally took a breath, Gilbert said with a gasp, "I don't know what I'm doing."

"It's okay," Lovino whispered by his ear. "I don't either."

Their lips joined again. Lovino fought against the fabric and buttons that separated them. The sounds of their neediness and their thumping hearts filled Gilbert's ears. Lovino sucked hard at the flesh of his throat, and he moaned.

"Come with me to the bedroom?" Lovino asked, his hot breath ghosting across Gilbert's skin.

Gilbert was aware that the right answer was something along the lines of, "No, this is crazy, and we need to stop." As much as he knew that, the words never came out.

He woke up the next morning, naked in Lovino's bed, to hear the crackling of frying eggs.


	6. Chapter 6

There had probably been a lot of drunken fumbling, and Gilbert hoped that he'd at least hesitated as they'd made their way to the bedroom, but he remembered none of that. What he remembered was the sweetness of Lovino's lips. How hot his tongue was in his mouth, as it dragged across his skin. His tantalizing fingers as they expertly removed the layers between them. The delicate curves of his body, the roughness of his hand as it gripped both their erections together. Lovino had buried his face in Gilbert's neck as he got close, his throaty moans right in his ear.

Gilbert couldn't get the memories of that night out of his head. He didn't know there could be anything that could turn his stomach and simultaneously turn him on quite like they did. His guilt wasn't so much from the fact that he'd had sex while drunk, and certainly not because he'd had sex with a guy. It stemmed mostly from his firm opinion that Lovino in many ways sucked as a person, and secondarily from the fact that he'd cheated on Elizabeth. Though, it surprised him to find out that he didn't feel as torn up about the latter as he thought he should after he'd left Lovino's apartment, and what guilt he did feel lessened over the course of a few days.

By the time Sunday came around, he felt next to normal, and so he decided to take the risk of going over to Lovino's apartment to watch TV. After all, they were supposed to be acting like nothing happened. To avoid him would only exacerbate everything. On his way out the door, Gilbert spotted Liz coming back from work, and all at once the guilt that he thought he'd triumphed over hit him again. His heart plummeted through the floor.

"Hey, where are you headed?" she asked casually.

The fight that had led Gilbert to spend the night at Lovino's had blown over. It hadn't really been resolved, they'd just silently agreed not to talk about it. It was swept under the rug for the time being. Not gone, but hiding and waiting to resurface, because that's how they dealt with their problems.

"Uh, I'm just, you know, going to Lovino's."

"You've been going over there a lot these past couple of weeks, haven't you?"

"What?" He laughed a little too loudly. "No! I mean, not a _lot_. I hardly ever hang out with that jerk, to be honest. I mean, what are you even talking about?"

She chuckled at his nervous response, more confused than suspecting. "Calm down, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm happy that you two are getting along. You guys were being such babies in the beginning. But maybe that's just because you have too much in common."

"I don't have anything in common with him," he argued.

"Please. You're both arrogant children who never learned how to play nice with other kids."

"Liz," he gasped in mock horror, "if I wasn't made of impenetrable awesome, your words might seriously hurt me."

"Suck it up," she said, punching him lightly in the soft part of his stomach. "And get out of here."

* * *

 

The apartment seemed empty when Gilbert got there. No one answered the door. He called out for Lovino after entering and heard a muffled voice from inside the bedroom.

"Lovino?" He turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. "Lovi—"

"I said I'm fucking changing, you bastard." Lovino stood by his dresser with one towel wrapped around his waist and another draped over his head. Panic (and something else...) rose a notch as Gilbert found himself not knowing where to direct his eyes. Lovino calmly patted his dripping hair like there was nothing awkward about this scene whatsoever. His bare torso glistened with water droplets, attracting Gilbert's wayward gaze. "I wasn't expecting you."

"We're...still watching The Walking Dead, right?" Gilbert asked, opting to redirect his eyes to just above Lovino's head.

The slight hesitation revealed that Lovino wasn't totally disconnected from the situation. "After what happened, I…didn't know if you would..."

"Well," Gilbert said, feeling obligated to fill the silence. "I'm here. So get dressed, bitch."

Lovino clacked his tongue. "How the hell did you even get in my apartment?"

Gilbert dangled a key in front of him. "You do know that those little plastic rocks don't really work for second story apartments, right? At least get a fucking potted plant or something, for Christ's sake." If he didn't know any better, he would have thought that the little streak of pink over Lovino's cheeks was a sign of embarrassment. For someone so painfully not-cute, he looked good like that.

"Fuck off and let me change," he said.

"You're going to be robbed one day. And you'll wonder why. The answer is: Because you're a goddamn idiot."

"I said, fuck off!" He stomped towards him and yanked the keys from his hand. Gilbert laughed. It was always amusing to get Lovino riled up.

He tossed the keys on the dresser. Gilbert should have turned and walked out the door then, but he didn't. He made the mistake of lingering there for just a second too long, of letting his eyes wander over Lovino's body. He thought of how it had moved against him, beaded with sweat instead of water from a shower head. How smooth his skin was, how soft the small hairs in the trail down his chest and stomach were.

Lovino raised an eyebrow. "What the hell are you staring at?"

"Uh..." He wasn't really asking. The answer was obvious. "Nothing."

Gilbert retreated to the front of the apartment, not forgetting to close the bedroom door behind him on his way out. He considered leaving then. He should have left. Instead, he staggered to the couch and sat down, waiting. In the stillness of the living area, he heard and felt the aggressive pounding of his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to make it take so long to get to the porn that I promised, but hey, here's a taste of it.

This was nothing akin to romantic interest. Absolutely not. For one, Gilbert didn't _get_ feelings for guys; he considered himself emotionally heterosexual, and only physically bisexual. Besides, he only just tolerated Lovino. Because they saw each other whether they liked to or not, it was better to pretend than to be dramatic about it. So, no. He didn't like Lovino.

Sex with Lovino, on the other hand...

_Wait, no!_

Gilbert looked up at the sound of the bedroom door opening. As quickly as he made eye contact with Lovino, he turned away and stared at the floor between his feet. He was about to lose his mind. A torrent of flashbacks from that night came rushing in, taking over his senses. He could still feel Lovino on his fingertips. He could still taste him.

Lovino came and sat beside him on the couch. Gilbert's back and shoulders ached from how rigid they were.

"Gilbert," Lovino said.

He totally did not jump. "What?"

"You're being weird. Stop it."

"I'm not being weird! You're being weird!"

"I thought we agreed to pretend like it never happened."

"That's not as easy as you're trying to make it sound!"

He crossed his arms over his chest in a huff. "Of all the people I had to sleep with. You make everything way more difficult than it has to be."

"Hey, you weren't complaining that night. In fact, for someone who claims that the sex wasn't good, I seem to recall you responding pretty positively during the event."

Lovino grimaced like the comment caused him physical pain. "Don't call it an _'event'_. It wasn't a fucking bake sale fundraiser, we got drunk and had sex."

"Yeah, and you liked it!"

"No I didn't!"

"Did too!"

"I did _not_!"

"Did too, did too!"

Gilbert's accusation stopped when Lovino, erupting in vociferous fury, grabbed hold of his face and drew him in for a kiss. A sneaky tongue pried his lips apart and entered his mouth to deepen the kiss. Gilbert hummed weakly in protest, his body all sorts of hot and flustered.

Lovino pulled away and frowned at him. "Don't tell me you're getting shy all of a sudden."

"I'm not shy, I just wasn't expecting you to—to _kiss_ me! What the hell?!"

"Don't let it go to your head," he said. "I might be feeling a little desperate at this point, and there just might be a small part of me that wants to see that giant ego of yours kneeling at my feet. So."

"So nothing! You said it was a onetime thing!"

"Because," he sighed irately, "I thought you only did it because you were drunk, and I thought you wouldn't make a big deal about it! But no, you're actually attracted to me, and a fucking nervous idiot to boot!"

"Wait," Gilbert said, trying to wrap his mind around what Lovino was saying. "Are you _angry_? Why? Because I think you're kind of hot?"

"Shut the fuck up!" he shouted, cheeks blazing red.

"What?! I'm so confused!"

He kissed him again, forcefully, and—Gilbert suspected—largely to prevent him from asking any more questions. The part of Gilbert that was disappointed in himself for so easily yielding to Lovino's undeniable allure was overwhelmed by primal nature. All he knew at that moment was lust. It was just as if he was drunk again.

Lovino's hand slipped into the confines of Gilbert's jeans and stroked his swelling shaft. Gilbert thrilled at the touch and let his head loll back. That small, forever-pursed mouth traveled down to Gilbert's collar bone, nipping at the stretch of skin along the way. Lovino pushed up Gilbert's T-shirt to suck and bite his nipples. Gilbert could no longer help his moans and labored breaths.

"You're loud," Lovino remarked.

"Loud is best," Gilbert said.

Lovino didn't respond with anything more than a look before he returned to kissing Gilbert's neck and nibbling his ear. One hand went to explore his body as the other continued to stroke his twitching cock. He stopped jerking just as Gilbert was getting close and reached around to grope his ass. God, why did that feel so good?

Calloused fingers probed the hole. _That_ didn't feel too great.

"Um, no, let's just..."

Gilbert removed Lovino's hand and directed it back to his neglected erection, then reached into the front of the Italian's pants to gratify him as well. Lovino was none too quiet himself, which Gilbert was really beginning to appreciate. He ran through a string of curses as his pleasure built.

"Shit fuck ah shit shit ah fuck."

They undid each other's fastens to let their erections stand straight.

"I guess this means I was right," Gilbert said with a low chuckle. "I wasn't the only one who liked it."

"Gilbert," Lovino said, his eyes hazed and his body trembling with desire, "for once in your life. Stop. Talking."


	8. Chapter 8

"This can never happen again," Gilbert said with post-orgasmic clarity. Lovino, still beside him on the couch, stared at him impassively. "We'll get caught."

"Not if we're careful. If we don't do it too frequently, and only do it here, it shouldn't be a problem. Emma and Liz know that we don't like each other all that much. They'd never suspect that we'd be doing something like this."

The situation Gilbert found himself in hardly felt real. He never would have thought that he had it in him to cheat, and certainly not twice. Yet here he was with the hot Italian guy who as of late dominated his fantasies, discussing the matter as naturally as if they were talking about what they wanted to eat for dinner. But the most disturbing factor in all of this was how emotionless Lovino seemed. He sat there calmly, his voice steady as he planned it out. How they could continue doing this, and how they could avoid the consequences.

"Lovino," Gilbert said warily. "Have you...done this before?"

"What?"

"You know...?"

His eyebrows knitted together. "The fuck?"

"You're thinking about this pretty thoroughly."

"Yeah, I'm trying to be _smart_ about this!"

Out of pure self-interest, Gilbert admired the effort that Lovino was making. It didn't change the fact that he didn't believe, if they were trying to be _smart_ , they should keep having sex. If they were trying to be smart, they probably wouldn't have done it in the first place.

"You think I'm just a sleaze who sleeps around and doesn't give a shit about his girlfriend?"

Lovino was angry, sure, and that certainly wasn't new, but there was something else in his reaction that surprised Gilbert. He sat there with his lips pressed into a thin line, face turning red and splotchy, his eyes shining. He looked like he was trying not to cry.

"It kind of seems that way," Gilbert said in his own defense.

"You don't know anything. It's...it's more complicated than that."

"How so?"

"Tch. I don't have to explain anything to you," he spat, quickly wiping at his eyes, though it did absolutely nothing to help his appearance. "Who the fuck are you to accuse me, anyway?"

"What?"

"You're not exactly racked with guilt."

"I _do_ feel bad!" Gilbert insisted. "That's why I said we have to stop!"

"Yeah, after you came over to my apartment and we jerked each other off."

"I didn't plan that!"

Lovino looked at him stupidly. "What did you think would happen when you came over?"

"Not _that_!"

"Then _why_ did you come over? Just a few days after we slept together?!"

"Because, I...I..." His hand came up to hide his face. He was embarrassed to admit it, but it was true. "I couldn't get you out of my head."

There had been a small part of him that had hoped something would happen when he came over. It was a part of himself that he despised, but he couldn't deny that his mind was preoccupied with what they'd done that night they got drunk together, and that he wanted more.

"Stop that right now."

"What?" Gilbert asked.

"Don't start getting emotional with me," Lovino said. "That's not what this is."

"Look, I'm not confessing my love for you or anything," he said derisively. "I understand perfectly what this is."

"Good. Then you should also know that things aren't as simple as just not letting it happen again."

"What do you mean?"

"We can't avoid each other. And every time we see each other we're going to be thinking about what we did. It's not going to go away. Especially not if you keep coming over to my apartment."

He was right. They saw each other nearly every day thanks to orchestra practice and their girlfriends. What they did wasn't going to go away. It was going to burrow deeper and deeper into Gilbert's mind, and every time he saw Lovino it would rear its monstrous head and taunt him.

"Then..." Gilbert said, "I'll stop coming over to your apartment."

It was the only sure way to keep this from happening again. As long as they were never alone together, the problem wouldn't get worse. And they'd just have to suffer each other's company. Like before, only a million times more awkward.

Lovino looked uncertain about Gilbert's resolution, but he nodded. "Okay then."

All there was to do then was endure the uncomfortable parting words as Gilbert stood from the couch and walked out the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut in this chapter. Again. Sorry. THERE WILL BE SMUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER THOUGH, I PROMISE.
> 
> And hopefully it will be good.

Liz crying was a rare sight indeed. In all the time that Gilbert had known her, he could count the number of times he'd seen her cry on one hand. Specifically, three fingers. Today was what made it three.

Her tears had a weird effect on him. They made his heart wrench, but at the same time they made him feel important, because if she was hurt then that meant that she cared. They presented an opportunity for him to look awesome as he remained collected and cheered her up. He felt bad that their latest argument led to her getting so upset, but, quite honestly, just the fact that it was her crying and not him was enough to prevent him from feeling _too_ bad about the situation.

He didn't really know why she was so upset anyway. He must have missed something.

It must have been pretty significant, because it got to the point that Liz said, "Sometimes, I don't know why I stay with you."

Then Gilbert was the one who was in tears.

He left of his own accord this time, but he had no idea where to go. He sat in his car for at least an hour, debating his options. There weren't all that many. The only reason he lived in an apartment with his girlfriend was because he wanted to go to the same college as her, and she chose to go to a school that was hours away from their hometown. He couldn't drive all that way and show up at his parent's house unannounced and expect things to go well. Not to mention that he'd have to wake up extra early and drive all the way back so he could go to school the next day. If he went to a friends' house, they would certainly take him in, but the long drive was still an issue.

It was late in the evening before Gilbert made his decision.

Lovino opened the door with his normal sour expression, but he took one look at Gilbert and must have known that he'd been crying. The evidence was probably still very clear on his face; with his pale complexion, it took an obscenely long time for all the red puffiness to go away. One of the many reasons he hated crying so much. A look of realization from Lovino gave Gilbert the courage to speak.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," he murmured.

Lovino nodded slowly. "Okay." He stepped aside to let him in.

Gilbert shuffled inside, surprised and relieved by how easy that was. It had never been that easy before. He had been nervous about coming here, but (aside from the terribly embarrassing fact that Lovino had now seen his crying face) it seemed that all that anxiety had been for nothing. Then Lovino closed the door, and they both stood there looking at each other, and there was silence. They had no idea what to say to each other.

Lovino dropped his eyes to the floor. "Do you..." he started to say, "I don't know...do you want a drink or something?"

Thinking about what had happened the last time they'd drank together, Gilbert said, "I'm good."

"Okay. Well...I have homework to do. So...you can just hang out here and do whatever, and I'm going to be..."

Lovino made a quick escape to his bedroom and left Gilbert to himself. Gilbert crashed on the couch, turning the TV on low just to have some noise in the room, and he closed his eyes. Being back in Lovino's apartment after what happened the last two instances wasn't as weird as he'd anticipated. It felt like the numerous other times that he'd just come there to have a roof over his head. If Gilbert was supposed to feel awful about being there, he felt too awful in general to notice the difference.

He must have dozed off at some point, because the next thing he knew his eyes were fluttering open and met with the dark living room space, and the side of his face that was pressed to the couch was sticky with drool. It was late at night, the TV had been shut off, and Lovino's bedroom door was standing open. The Italian came into view on his way back from the kitchen, dressed in only his boxers and an unbuttoned shirt. He stopped mid-route when he noticed that Gilbert was awake and had seen him. A pink color washed over his cheeks.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Gilbert asked.

Even in this situation, even half awake and depressed, he could still have a sense of humor. The words didn't come out as smoothly as he'd meant them to, though. The dryness of his throat from sleeping with his mouth hanging open had made his voice hoarse, and he choked in the middle of his sentence.

Lovino's smile was small and crooked. "If I was trying to seduce you, you'd be in my bed already."

Gilbert chuckled softly. He wished he was in Lovino's bed, if only so that he didn't have to sleep alone tonight. It was much easier for him to get rest if there was a warm body next to him to hold on to. Lovino went back into his room and shut the door again, and Gilbert rolled over so that he faced the back of the couch. As he closed his eyes again, he tried not to think about getting under the sheets and scooting close to Lovino and the no doubt microscopic chance that Lovino would allow him to do something like that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An understandably lengthy chapter.
> 
> How do write smut? I tend to write sex scenes as partially sexy, partially awkward, and sometimes just funny, which I don't think is how you write smut, but...oh well. There will be some scenes where the tone will be different and therefore much sexier, but those are later.

It took Gilbert a moment to recap the events of yesterday in his mind before he remembered why he was waking up on Lovino's couch. He and Liz had gotten into another argument. She'd cried. He'd cried. And then he'd left and come here.

He had commented on how she'd been coming home late a lot recently. It was just an observation, something he hadn't intended or expected to make her angry. He could only assume she'd already been in a bad mood before getting home. He tried to explain and calm her down, but she kept getting more and more furious. When it became a case of her just using him as a verbal punching bag, he stopped listening. She noticed, and everything went to hell.

Gilbert sat on the couch with his head between his legs, fuming. This was all so stupid. They'd fought over nothing, and yet he'd had to leave his own apartment yet again, as if this was his fault. Liz had been the one to start it. She was the one who was in the wrong. Why the hell was he sleeping on Lovino's couch and getting depressed?

He pushed himself to stand up and start getting ready for class, because no matter what bullshit life threw at you, you had to trudge on. Lovino was occupying the bathroom, brushing his teeth. The air filtering out into the hall was steamy from his shower. His shirt was hanging from the towel rack behind him. He glanced at Gilbert only briefly before saying, "You look terrible in the mornings."

_ He _ looked gorgeous, all clean, sun-kissed skin and bright green eyes and haughty indifference.

"I gotta pee," Gilbert said.

"You'll have to wait."

He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

"I lied, you know," he said decisively. "I didn't _have_ to come here. I could have spent the night in my car. I've done that before."

Lovino rinsed his toothbrush and set it back in its cup. His eyes met Gilbert's through the mirror. "Then why did you come?"

Gilbert knew exactly why he kept coming over to Lovino's apartment even though it was wrong, but he wasn't about to admit how much thought he'd given, especially within the past twelve or so hours, to the possibility of continuing their affair. He tried to appear casual about it. "We're both clearly a little frustrated with our relationships right now. This can just be a means to relieve some of that frustration."

"What about Liz?"

He dropped his head and sighed. "I don't know. I don't know if wanting to sleep with other people means my relationship with her is doomed." He paused for a second. "Probably _actually_ sleeping with other people does. I know this isn't fair to her, but at the same time she's done some things to me that weren't fair either."

"Well, that's all your business. I just wanted to know if you were sure about this, because I don't want to have to keep dealing with this back-and-forth bullshit."

"What about you and Emma?"

For the first time that he could recall, Gilbert saw plain and honest remorse in Lovino's face as he lowered his eyes. "That's _my_ business."

Gilbert slowly moved into him. He lowered his head to capture those lush lips. Lovino turned his own chin up and met the kiss passionately. The residual toothpaste coated his mouth with a strong minty flavor. More intensely than ever before, that familiar craving burned within Gilbert's lower stomach.

Tentatively, his hands found a place at Lovino's sides. His skin was still warm and smooth from the shower. His arms wrapped around Gilbert's neck, locking the both of them together. His fingers dragged through Gilbert's hair as he nipped at his lower lip. Gilbert's appreciative hum towards his energetic response turned to a whine when he pulled back.

"If we do this now, I'm going to need another shower."

"I need a shower too," Gilbert said, lowering his voice. "So why don't we kill three birds with one stone?"

Lovino stared at him thoughtfully, and then without another word turned his back and started taking off his pants. Like that, Gilbert forgot the motivation of getting a little bit of revenge on Liz. There was the much more immediate, and much more compelling desire to fuck the sexy little Italian until he could no longer stand.

Said Italian stepped into the tub and then turned around, raising an eyebrow at Gilbert. "Well?"

Gilbert stripped himself of his own clothes in record time and nearly tripped over them to get into the shower. Lovino pulled the curtain shut once they were both in, and Gilbert felt his heart trying to burst through his chest. It wasn't a big space, and he and Lovino had never been so fully exposed in front of each other before. At least, not that he could remember very clearly. Lovino reached around him to turn on the shower. The hot, pouring water gave his libido an extra kick.

"Lovino," he said excitedly, "wash my hair for me!"

He looked up at him and smirked. "You're going to have to bring your head down a little bit."

Gilbert bent his knees slightly, just so that his head was level with Lovino's. The Italian's expression changed to one of disapproval.

"Like this?"

" _Lower_."

Gilbert hunched a smidge lower. "This good?"

Lovino clacked his tongue in annoyance. "Goddammit, Gilbert, get on your fucking knees."

_ Oooooh _ .

Oh.

He searched Lovino's face to see if he was kidding. He was deadly serious.

Gilbert eased onto his knees in front of Lovino, facing his partial erection. Every one of his muscles was tense. Not one for sucking dick, he was uncertain how to start, if he even wanted to do this at all. Lovino bent forward to get the shampoo from the caddy rack hanging by the shower head, and Gilbert jerked back to avoid being whacked in the face. He glared up, meeting Lovino's smoldering eyes, and something was dredged up from inside him. That deep stirring that he'd repressed, up till now.

He gripped the base and wrapped his lips around the head. With his free hand, he clasped the back of a thigh. He focused on Lovino—the touch of his skin, the fresh smell of soap on his body, the sounds elicited by licking along his shaft—and destroyed all unrelated thoughts.

The cap on the shampoo bottle popped open. Lovino squirted a generous amount into his hands and lathered Gilbert's snowy blond hair. His slender fingers massaged the scalp and tugged at the roots, gently combing across Gilbert's head. Gilbert felt slightly conflicted, soothed by Lovino's hands tangling in his hair, but titillated by his lecherous moans. Saliva collected in Gilbert's mouth as he tightened his lips around him. Without meaning to, he went faster. The heavy, lustful noises filling Gilbert's ears grew louder.

"Slow down... _ngh_..." Lovino bit back his gasp. "Slow down..."

Gilbert didn't want to slow down. He wanted to feel Lovino trembling in his release and hear him cry out. He was almost done.

Lovino began snapping his hips forward. He dug his fingers into Gilbert's scalp, squeezing the frothy water out of his hair, which then ran down his face. Before Gilbert knew what was happening, his vision went white and a stinging pain made him reel back.

"Ah! Lovino! You're getting shampoo in my eyes!"

"Fuck!" Lovino shouted. "You got shampoo on my dick! It burns!"

"Not as much as MY EYES!"

Gilbert fumbled blindly with the shower handles until he figured out how to change the water flow from the shower head to the faucet, and he frantically washed out his eyes while Lovino fought with him to get to the water as well. Once he felt he could safely crack open his eyes, Gilbert glanced up at Lovino, beet red from pain and exasperation.

"In hindsight, this was a bad idea," he said.

"Oh, _really_?" Lovino growled. "Get out so I can finish."

"Wait. Finish as in, _finish_? Or finish showering?"

"Just get out!"

Gilbert left the shower and finished rinsing the shampoo from his hair and off his face in the sink. It wasn't till he was rubbing his head dry with a towel that he detected the quiet moans, not completely overpowered by the drone of running water.

"Are you seriously jerking off? I am _right_ here."

The shrill noise that Lovino made from behind the curtain was positively inhuman. "I SAID GET OUT!"

Gilbert gathered up his clothes and left the bathroom. He dressed in the living room area while trying his best to ignore what Lovino was doing in the shower, which he could still hear.

What a shitty way to start the morning, and after such a shitty night. But, maybe, it was a good thing that it ended like this. Before they got in over their heads. Remembering that not only did he have class, but that he also had to pee, he left the apartment before Lovino ever got out of the shower. It was for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of the joke, let's assume Lovino uses Head & Shoulders shampoo. Unless there is another shampoo that severely burns your sensitive areas, because I have a hard time believing that Lovino would ever use Head & Shoulders.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe...okay. So. Before I even started writing any of this and was just playing with the idea, I was thinking, "Yeah, that would only be, like, eight chapters." Then I started plotting it out and realized it was going to be much longer, partially because of how short the chapters are, which is because I can't commit to writing longer chapters at the moment unless I want to bog myself down. Now it's looking to be somewhere in the thirties, because the original ending stopped making sense, and I got sudden inspiration for other chapters. Also, with a longer story, there is a really good chance that other characters and pairings not listed right now will be introduced later on. I will keep you all updated as I figure things out.

Gilbert couldn't decide if he should buy flowers, or chocolate, or that cute little stuffed rabbit that, honestly, he would have paid twice as much for just because it was so damn fluffy and soft, so he ended up getting all three. He knew where Liz would be when she got out of class, and he rushed over to present the peace offerings to her. She stared awkwardly at the various gifts he was balancing and didn't move to take them.

"Gil, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have blown up like I did. I've just had so much on my mind lately."

"You can tell me if you don't want these," he said. A part of him hoped that she would let him keep the rabbit.

"No, no," she said, scooping them out of his arms, "it's fine. Thank you."

He kissed her, and she kissed back modestly before pulling away. And thus, everything was right again.

Later on, when Gilbert was sitting with the orchestra at practice time, he thought that there was one good thing about being in the back: most of the other students didn't notice him. While he wasn't one to ever shy away from being the center of attention, it was a pastime of his to watch other people, which was always better to do when they didn't know you were watching them. He'd often stared at Lovino and that weird curl of his, and Lovino had never so much as noticed that Gilbert was in the same room with him, because he didn't turn around to see who was sitting behind him.

Things were a little different now. Gilbert still watched Lovino, for vastly different reasons than a minor quirk. But every once in a while, Lovino would turn and look back at him. Gilbert courteously adverted his gaze so that he could have a chance to stare; it was nice to know that Lovino was having difficulty concentrating because of him. But staring was all that happened.

Once practice was over, Lovino quickly packed up his instrument and left the music hall. Gilbert wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he was a little disappointed. He considered trying to catch up to Lovino and talk to him, but he didn't. What would that accomplish? What did they have to say to each other? It was better to just leave things alone.

 

* * *

 

 

Near the end of that week, Gilbert got a text from Liz asking if he wanted to go get lunch after he got out of class, and he said yes. It felt like it had been too long since the two of them had spent time alone with each other, and he was optimistic after their most recent patch-up. She asked him to meet her in front of the administration building. He got there early in the afternoon, wandered the plaza for a bit in search of a familiar face, and spotted three.

Lovino glanced in Gilbert's direction as he approached, and then quickly turned away in disinterest. That non-reaction ticked Gilbert off.

"You didn't say we were going with them," he said, making sure to direct the comment at Lovino.

"So?" Liz said.

That one word effectively shut Gilbert up. He couldn't say anything else without being an asshole, or further complicating the matter if he seemed suspicious. So, they got in Liz's car and drove to a nearby buffet place. Gilbert sat in the passenger seat and sang loudly with the radio to distract himself from who was sitting right behind him.

When they went into the restaurant, they were led to a small round table at the back of the room. Liz asked Gilbert to watch her bag and things while she and Emma went to get their food, so he took a seat. Lovino relaxed in the chair across from him, and their girlfriends left. Gilbert didn't know why Lovino was staying instead of following them to the buffet, but he was considering abandoning him with the stuff to get food for himself when Lovino looked to him in earnest and said, "Come to the bathroom with me real quick."

Gilbert's brow scrunched. "What for?"

"I swear it will be quick. Like, five minutes."

Though the implication of Lovino's words was pretty clear, Gilbert didn't want to believe it. The suggestion was so outrageous that he had to ask, "Are you fucking kidding me?", even though everything about Lovino's expression told him that he wasn't. "I'm _not_ doing it in a public bathroom."

An evil smirk grew on his face and sent a shiver down Gilbert's spine—but, like, a _good_ shiver, which really only made it worse. "Gilbert," he said coolly, scooting forward in his seat, "I know how to utilize my advantages."

The table bumped as he shifted, and Gilbert stiffened in defense against what Lovino was planning to do. Something brushed against his leg, and then stopped. Lovino frowned and scooted up further. He touched Gilbert under the table again, more directly this time, but Gilbert was unaffected. In fact, he was confused. He peeked underneath and saw Lovino's leg suspended in the air and his foot gracelessly knocking against his knee.

"Lovino, your _shoe_ isn't turning me on."

"Your crotch is further away than I originally thought."

"You're just short."

Lovino, apparently going with intimidation instead of seduction, slid down in his chair to kick Gilbert directly in the groin.

"OW, MOTHER OF DICKS!" His hands flew to protect himself too late and he doubled over in agony.

"Come with me or I'll kick you again."

"I can't! You just made me impotent!"

"Quit being a baby, I barely hurt you."

Gilbert straightened himself up, not wanting to give Lovino the satisfaction of seeing him in pain. His eyes swept across the room, because everyone must be wondering what he was shouting about, but no one was looking their way. Liz and Emma returned to the table with plates of food in hand. Gilbert tried to mask his discomfort and maintain composure, but they didn't even sit down before Emma asked if he was okay.

"He has a stomachache," Lovino said. "I told him he should go to the restroom."

"No I don't! I feel great!"

Liz placed her fists on her hips. "Are you a child? Just go to the restroom if you need to go."

Lovino's foot was rubbing up and down Gilbert's leg as much as it could reach without being obvious, and Gilbert felt cornered. He looked back and forth between the three of them, trying to decide which was more suspicious: continuing to deny that anything was wrong, or going to the restroom with Lovino and not coming back for however long it would take. Gilbert wasn't sure how far Lovino was willing to go, but he was already aware of how stubborn the Italian could be.

"Fine! I'm going!" he said. He would certainly make Lovino pay for this later, but in the meantime he'd better get the best blowjob of his life for all the trouble he was causing him.

Lovino was quick to stand up after Gilbert did. "I'll go with him to make sure he's okay."

Both girls turned to him in surprise.

"Are you sure?" Liz asked.

He flashed them a gentle smile. "Don't worry, we'll be right back."

The bathroom was thankfully empty, but in desperate need of cleaning. There were strips of toilet paper littering the floor and yellow stains on the urinals. The first stall that Lovino pushed Gilbert into hadn't been flushed, so they went to the next one. Gilbert hardly had time to close and lock the door behind them before Lovino allowed his hands to roam freely and started kissed his neck.

"You're so _demanding,_ " Gilbert complained, even as he arched into his little caresses. "I thought you were trying to be _smart_ about this. Having a quickie in the bathroom while our girlfriends are waiting outside is _not_ smart."

He ignored Gilbert and proceeded to push his knee between his legs. Gilbert widened his stance just enough to accommodate Lovino's narrow hips, and Lovino grinded against his pelvis, making him wince.

"It still kind of hurts, you know."

Lovino stopped and looked up at him, and, though he didn't appear all that concerned, he was gentler when he started up again. In spite of his protesting, Gilbert gripped Lovino's shoulders, pulling him in closer. As Lovino unfastened their pants, Gilbert kissed him everywhere he could—the hollow at the base of his throat, the line of his jaw, his cheek—before finally reaching his mouth. He was close to forgetting where they were, until he opened his eyes again to be reminded. His arousal took a steep nosedive.

"It's disgusting in here. This is the most unsexy place we could be doing this."

"It's your fault."

"How is this _my_ fault?"

"You stopped coming to my apartment."

All Gilbert could say was, "I didn't know if you wanted me to."

He hadn't accounted for this when he'd made up with Elizabeth, and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do in this situation. Lovino kissed him deeply, his hands sliding down the sides of his body to reach around and grab his ass.

"Does this answer your question?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is literally just going to be a smut chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there would be sex in this chapter. I did not specify the characters it would involve.
> 
> I'm actually really embarrassed by this and I don't know why. I guess cause I don't normally write heterosexual sex? But it's too late now, so, here you go.

"You're cheating!" Liz shouted.

Her words inspired a sense of dread in Gilbert, even though he knew that she was referring to the wooden pieces he was currently placing on the game board. He pushed the feeling away and shouted back, "I don't even know how you would cheat at _Scrabble._ "

It had been so long since either of them had played the game that they probably didn't know what they were doing anyway. They'd been surprised to find the box in their closet that morning. They didn't remember which of them had brought it, but having some time to kill they'd taken it out, dusted it off, and set it up to play. The rule book was nowhere to be found, but that was okay. It was _Scrabble_ , how hard could it be?

" _Miche_ isn't a word!"

"Yes it is! Look it up!"

She was already pulling out her phone before he'd finished suggesting it. Vindication was at hand, so Gilbert went back to fitting the letter squares on the board while her fingers busily tapped the screen. From the way the corners of her mouth sunk into her jowls, he knew that she had realized her mistake.

He sat back with a satisfied grin. "See? I told you. I'm smarter than you."

"It's British. It doesn't count."

"Bullshit it doesn't count."

"How do you even know that word?" she asked.

He waved his own phone in front of her face. "Dictionary dot com Word of the Day, bitch."

Her eyes flashed in rage and she pounded her fists repeatedly into his shoulder. " _What did you call me?!_ "

 

* * *

 

Liz was beautiful. And terrifying. Gilbert had thought that when he first met her, and those two things hadn't changed much since then.

Her bare body was pressed to his chest and so unbelievably soft. A pang shook his already erect cock. He scooted between her legs in missionary position and, with a slow push of his hips, penetrated her. He pulled out slowly, and then thrust forward again.

The way he saw it, he could continue his relationship with Liz and see Lovino every once in a while and everything would be okay. So long as he didn't neglect her or treat her any differently, and so long as she didn't find out. He and Lovino had already cheated with each other, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Stopping now wouldn't make it any better. Staying on course wouldn't make things any worse.

She lied still at first, letting him set the pace, but not for too long. Soon, she was pushing back onto him as he rocked against her. There wasn't any room to fight for dominance here. Some nights they might fumble when one of them was too impatient with the other, creating some tension and grumbling, and sometimes she would just make him lie back so she could ride him. He didn't mind in the least if it felt good. Tonight, they matched each other's rhythm flawlessly.

She took his hand and ran it over her chest. Her plump breasts were perfect to touch. His thumb worked the delicate tissue in circles, flicking the little hardened nubs. Then his fingers trailed down her ribs and stomach, gripping her by her curvy waist. She brushed her tawny brown hair out of her sweaty face and pulled his head down for a long kiss.

Gilbert knew why Liz didn't like showing this kind of affection in public. Though she would deny it, she cared what others might think, and she wanted to be able to go out confident in her inculpability. She knew too well that everyone had an opinion on everything. What Gilbert could never fully resolve was whether she worried that they were making assumptions about her because of what she was doing, or that they were making assumptions based on who she was with.

She held firmly to his biceps. He could barely hear her moans as she trembled, and suddenly Gilbert got that familiar feeling of not being able to stop the inevitable.

Liz preferred to roll onto her side and go right to sleep once they were done. If he felt like trying to hold her she would complain about his body heat suffocating her, or about not knowing where to comfortably place her arms. Gilbert couldn't care less, really. He wasn't the type of person who needed to cuddle.

He just might have liked to every once in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell me if this is terrible, I can take it.
> 
> But please be gentle.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut, this time with the boys. If you can't tell, I'm much more comfortable writing gay sex scenes, just cause I'm more practiced in it.

Gilbert didn't go over to Lovino's apartment any more or less frequently than he had been before to avoid raising questions, but every single time it ended up the same way. They might watch TV first, or after. Sometimes they talked, and sometimes they managed to drop all pretense and skip over that part. Whatever else happened, sooner or later they were in the bedroom, because that was the whole reason Gilbert was there.

Lovino lifted his hips so Gilbert could yank down his jeans and boxers. The clothes gathered in a bundle at his ankles, and he kicked them off while Gilbert bent down and brushed his lips over his bare chest. Gilbert traced his light pink nipple with his tongue and then continued down across the ridges of his abdomen to his navel and the trail of dark brown hair that began underneath it. He planted little wet kisses along his lower stomach before licking up the side of his cock and taking the head in his mouth.

It was hot and pulsing and tasted slightly bitter. Gilbert was getting more comfortable doing this, so he drew it further in without much hesitation. He set up a rhythm, alternating between licking and sucking lightly on the tip, all while stroking the shaft with his hand. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the shudder that rippled through Lovino's body. What he liked most about doing this was how strongly Lovino reacted. Gilbert relished the ability to make him lose control.

"Fuck," Lovino choked out. "Hah...aah..."

It grew harder and pushed against Gilbert's soft palate. He pumped it into his mouth a few more times before he had to sit back on his heels and take a break. He still wasn't completely used to doing this. Spit trickled down his chin, and he wiped it on the back of his hand. Lovino stared up at him with lust-filled eyes, his skin flushed and his chest rising and falling heavily.

"I want to fuck you," he said. Gilbert was so aroused by the sight of him that he was willing to do almost anything. Lovino sat up and moved toward the edge of the bed, directing Gilbert to center. "Lie on your stomach."

"On my stomach?"

"It's easier, and that way we're not looking at each other."

"What, don't you want to look into my eyes?" he teased. "Are you afraid of falling in love with me?"

"Just—lie down, idiot."

Gilbert did lie down, on his stomach, as Lovino requested. "Be generous with the lube, alright?"

The click of the bottle cap got him a little anxious. He quivered as Lovino prepared him, licked and sucked him, pressed two slick fingers inside him and curled and twisted them until Gilbert had to tell him that he was passed being ready and just needed _more_. A few moments later, and the blunt tip of Lovino's cock was at his opening. Lovino gripped his hips and pulled them up. A groan rumbled from deep within Lovino's chest as he pushed forward.

It was more unpleasant than Gilbert had expected, and he was immediately thankful for Lovino's thorough preparation. After the initial breaching, it wasn't painful. Gilbert adjusted to the feeling quickly. There was only pressure as Lovino slid all the way in, his slick shaft stretching him with every movement.

After a few careful thrusts, he struck Gilbert's prostate. Gilbert arched his back. His erection stiffened in a blissful rush.

"Yeah," he said as he reached down to touch himself. "Harder."

Lovino complied, and Gilbert let out a shameless moan at the speed and force of his thrusts. He shoved back against Lovino's pelvis, biting his bottom lip in bone-melting pleasure.

The sounds Lovino made became a loud chorus of brusque "oh"s. His nails dug into Gilbert's hips as he tilted them further up and pounded into him with an overwhelming intensity that destroyed all coherent thought. His thighs quivered as he erupted inside Gilbert, whose dick throbbed in his own hand. He beat it urgently till it was spilling thick white streams. If he hadn't come by the time Lovino finished, he doubted that Lovino would have an interest in helping him take care of it.

Lovino slipped out of Gilbert and flopped on the mattress beside him. He closed his eyes. His face was glowing. On a whim, Gilbert leaned over and kissed him. His eyes shot open again and he jerked back.

"W-w-why did you do that?" he puffed, still wanting for air.

"What? We've kissed how many times now?"

"Yeah, but...that was different! That was..."

Gilbert didn't understand why Lovino was so worked up about a little kiss after everything else they'd done, but he thought that maybe it _was_ too domestic of a gesture for their situation. They weren't in a relationship, or even all that close to each other. They kissed if it was leading up to or during sex, and not after. Even within those circumstances, Lovino didn't seem to like kissing on the mouth all that much. He preferred to kiss Gilbert's body. Gilbert didn't mind as long as that mouth was pleasing him.

"Sorry," he said, sleepy and unbothered. He turned over to take a nap. "I got carried away. Won't happen again."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep editing the tags, someone needs to stop me.
> 
> And I can't resist angsty, one-sided Spamano, or Gilbert getting jealous of Antonio over Lovino. I'm sorry, this is what I live for.

The student center was busy when Gilbert went there. Many students were like him and trying to grab food in-between classes. He stood in line at the cafeteria, which was neither a good nor cost efficient place to eat, but was if nothing else convenient. In these spare moments, he was unbearably bored. Liz was still in class, and there wasn't really anyone else for him to hang out with. One of the downsides of going to school away from home.

Gilbert had been attending college for half a semester now, which should have been plenty of time to make friends. He didn't face obstacles that others might with being introverted or socially incompetent, because he wasn't either of those things. The only reason he hadn't made friends yet was because he simply hadn't found anyone worth the time.

While reading over the menu on the wall and trying to decide what he wanted to eat, something crept into his line of vision and distracted him. A little curl, bobbing up and down as it moved through the crowd. Lovino stopped not even three feet away. Even when Gilbert wasn't looking for him, he was easy to spot. Gilbert stared, not sure whether he should say something or pretend he didn't notice him. He could probably sneak away to avoid him, but he didn't move.

Lovino must have felt his gaze, because he looked towards Gilbert. His eyes went wide with apprehension when he saw him.

"Oh," Gilbert said, nonchalant, like he hadn't been gaping at Lovino for several seconds. "Hey."

"...Hey."

They stared at each other a bit longer before unceremoniously turning away. Being alone together in a public setting wasn't normal in their relationship, which hadn't involved much verbal communication lately. None of that was concerning, but standing there and not talking was too damn awkward for Gilbert. Especially with the way Lovino kept fidgeting. He had to come up with something to say, just so the air didn't feel so stuffy.

He took a breath, nodded to the menu, and asked, "What are you getting?"

"What are you _doing_ here?" was Lovino's curt response.

"I came to get food! What else would I be doing here? I'm not stalking you."

Lovino threw a glare over his shoulder. "That doesn't make you sound suspicious at all."

"You're the one who looks like you're scared just standing next to me!"

Lovino spun fully around, prepared to bite Gilbert's head off right there, but something made him stop. His attention left Gilbert in favor of something across the room that made him pale.

"Oh shit," he muttered.

"Huh?"

"Shit shit shit shit shit." He was in a full-blown panic. His eyes searched wildly in all directions before they rested back on Gilbert. "Don't look. Hide me."

"What?"

Lovino darted behind Gilbert without bothering to explain, holding his shoulders still when he tried to move. He clung to Gilbert's hoodie and wrapped himself up in it like it was a blanket.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?!" Gilbert shouted, attempting to wrestle himself free of Lovino, who turned out to be stronger than he looked and refused to let go.

"Shut the fuck up! You're going to make him come over here!"

"Who?!"

In answer to Gilbert's question, a voice cried out, "Lovi!"

Another student came up to them and threw his arms around Lovino, who went rigid in the embrace. He laughed happily, ignoring the way that Lovino turned red and struggled against him. Gilbert could only stand back and watch the two of them. If anything, he'd expected some poor girl that Lovino had left broken-hearted to come seeking revenge. Who the hell was _this_?

"G-get off of me, bastard!" Lovino shouted at the guy, who never seemed to stop smiling.

"I haven't seen you in so long!" he said. "How are you? How's Emma? How's your— _Ouch!_ —Why'd you hit me?!"

He massaged the blow to his arm as Lovino finally managed to escape his clutches. His smile was gone now, replaced by a pout. Lovino scowled and scooted several inches away from him, behind Gilbert.

"I couldn't breathe, you idiot," he mumbled angrily.

The guy was about to say something back, but abruptly changed beat when he realized Gilbert was there as well. "Oh hey, who's this?"

"No one," Lovino said.

"I'm Gilbert."

"Hi! I'm Antonio. Are you Lovi's friend?"

"No," Lovino said.

"Yeah, I am."

"He's lying."

Out of a desire to spite and possibly embarrass Lovino, since that was always fun to do, Gilbert flashed his brightest smile and put an arm around the little Italian. Lovino bristled at his touch. "We're _reeaaally_ good friends."

" _I will murder you_."

Gilbert went on to explain how they were in orchestra together, and that they'd gotten to know each other because of their girlfriends. Antonio smiled and nodded as Gilbert talked. He seemed friendly, so Gilbert wasn't sure what Lovino's problem with him was. The Italian was stiff as a board by his side, staring down at the floor all blushy and nervous. It was pretty cute.

What was it about this guy that made him get that cute?

"Well, I'm really glad to know that Lovino made a friend. And I would stay and talk more, but I should head to class." Antonio waved at Lovino and started to leave. "It was nice to see you! We should hang out soon!"

Lovino didn't wave back as Antonio disappeared around the corner. His chin dropped to his chest and his shoulders slumped. All the animosity from when Antonio had hugged him was gone, leaving him only drained.

"So," Gilbert said. "Lovi?"

"Don't you ever fucking call me that." Everything that made him cute vanished as soon as he opened his mouth.

"Was that your friend?"

"No," Lovino said softly.

"You have a crush on him or something?"

He choked on his own spit.

"No! It's not like that! It's just..." His voice died away. It was only when he looked up and Gilbert noticed his eyes were glistening that he recognized how upset Lovino truly was. "It's complicated."

Why was it that _everything_ seemed to be complicated when it came to Lovino?

"Who is he exactly?"

Lovino wavered before answering. "His family and my family have been close forever, so we were friends growing up. I don't really see him that much anymore, though."

"Oh."

"He...also was the one who made me realize that I'm...not exactly one hundred percent straight."

Lovino stared after Antonio, even though he was no longer in sight. There was a sad longing in his face, and Gilbert found himself feeling slightly betrayed. It made no sense, he knew. It wasn't like he'd been under the impression that Lovino was _his_. Lovino still had a girlfriend, and Gilbert didn't feel jealous of her. But, somehow, when it was another guy, he did.

"Go on," Gilbert urged. He wanted to know how in the world Antonio had managed to captivate the angry, distant Italian so much.

Lovino turned back to him with urgency. "Why should I talk about this with you?"

He waited for an answer. He actually wanted Gilbert to give him a reason. An excuse.

"I'm a really good listener," Gilbert offered.

"We both know that's not true."

"Well, I'm curious, so I will listen this time. And I won't tell anyone, because...well, what would be the point?"

Lovino didn't look entirely convinced, but he conceded anyway.

"Not here," he said. "Let's go outside."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was part of the previous chapter when I first wrote it, but I split them up so it didn't seem so incredibly long compared to every other chapter.

The campus was picturesque and green, despite the encroaching winter chill. Students were out and about, en route to class or sitting on benches. Lovino and Gilbert walked along the sidewalk that cut across the school in silence. Only when they were at the far edge of campus, far away from any curious ears, did Lovino feel okay to speak. He started slow and never looked at Gilbert. Gilbert's presence was only necessary in that it prevented Lovino from seeming crazy for wanting to say the words out loud.

"My family is really Catholic, so I struggled with my sexuality for a long time. Antonio was the first person I told. And he was nice and supportive and always wanted to be there for me," he said with a hint of depreciation, though he softened immediately. "He got me to fall for him...and...and I told him that, too."

"You told him you were falling for him?" Lovino in love was something that Gilbert had never given any thought to. If the concept had been brought up before now, he would have dismissed it as being impossible. Lovino claimed to care about Emma, and Gilbert would continue to give him the benefit of the doubt, but Gilbert had never once seen Lovino look at her in a way that made him believe he loved her.

Maybe this was the reason. Lovino was still in love with Antonio.

"Of course, he didn't feel the same way," he continued. "And I...just started crying, and he hugged me trying to make me feel better, but it just made it worse. It's like, he never really understood just how humiliated and hurt I was. And every time he sees me it's the same thing. He acts completely normal, and I'm the only one freaking out. It pisses me off!"

Gilbert could imagine it perfectly. Lovino, heartbroken and crying. Forgetting his defenses. Running into the arms of whoever was available to comfort him. Not necessarily Gilbert, but hell, Gilbert could certainly cheer him up if he needed it so badly. Come to think of it...

"That's...really cute."

"The fuck?!" Lovino shouted, all the blood rushing to his face. "Have you lost your fucking mind?! What about that is _cute_?!"

Gilbert realized, a little too late, but nevertheless thankfully, that Lovino could not see the picture that was in his mind. "Wait, that's not what I meant," he said in a rush. "That sucks. And, so, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I acted like I did in front of him. I'm a dick."

Lovino almost laughed at that last statement, but quickly regained his normal scowl. "Whatever. I don't need your commentary. I just wanted to tell someone to get it off my chest."

"You've never told anyone? Even Emma?"

His expression worsened. "There's a lot that Emma doesn't know about me."

"Like what? That you like guys too?"

The puzzle pieces were beginning to fit together. Lovino, due to his religious family and habit of chasing skirts, had never had a chance to discover the other side of his sexuality. He simply buried it, to the point that he couldn't even tell his own girlfriend. Until Gilbert had come along and provided the perfect outlet.

"That's between me and her," he said with a glare that added, _Watch your fucking boundaries._

"Maybe you should tell her."

He snorted. "Don't act like you're some expert on relationships. How's everything going with Liz again?"

Gilbert's relationship with Liz was more or less the same as it had been for the last couple of months or so. They went back and forth from being at each other's throats to being a relatively happy couple. But it was normal for couples to get on each other's nerves. Admittedly, whatever it was that Gilbert had with Lovino made things a little less normal.

He wasn't even sure what to label his relationship with Lovino as. _"Affair"_ was the best word he could think of, even if it made him sound like a thirty something year-old trophy wife named Gwyneth with a boring upper/middle-class husband who probably drank and played golf too much. Sex had spoiled any possibility of friendship with Lovino, but, even knowing that, Gilbert still found himself appreciating how things were a little less boring when Lovino was around.

"Are you still hungry?" Gilbert asked. "You wanna go get food?"

Lovino balked at the suggestion. "That would be weird."

"Only if you make it weird."

Concern was deeply and plainly printed on his face. He didn't take long to consider his answer. "No. I can't. I have other stuff to do. I need to go."

No doubt the vague excuse was a lie, but Gilbert couldn't really say he blamed Lovino for being against the idea. He let him go without pushing the matter, and felt quietly relieved that he'd refused. It was pointless to pretend that there could be anything more between them than meaningless sex. Besides, Gilbert was perfectly fine eating alone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the bondage chapter. I tried to keep it as short as I could. This is the longest chapter so far, and hopefully they won't get this long again.

Gilbert gently tugged on the waistline of Lovino's boxers, nose inches away from his crotch. "Yeah, baby, make me your cum-guzzling slut," he said in a monotone voice. He looked up at the Italian with an air of defiance. "See? It sounds stupid."

Lovino glared down at him. "It only sounds stupid because you suck."

They were spending a lazy evening at Lovino's apartment when they'd started having a conversation about expanding their repertoire. They were at the point where they were comfortable enough in bed with each other that they thought they'd like to do a few things that they didn't normally do with their girlfriends, or with one another. Gilbert was so far not being very agreeable towards any of Lovino's suggestions.

"What is even the point of talking dirty?" Gilbert asked. "It's not instructional. If you tell me, _'Oh yeah, harder'_ , _'faster'_ , or _'a little to the left'_ , I know what you want. But saying something like, _'You gonna fuck me good? You wanna put your big fat dick in me?'_ , it's like, _'Well, no shit, that's why I'm here!'_ It's not sexy, either. It's really distracting. Sex is supposed to be fun, why bother making it complicated by trying to talk weird?"

They'd been arguing about what to do for too long, and Lovino was clearly annoyed when he said, "Why don't I just tie you up and gag you and see how that works?"

Gilbert's expression brightened. "Bondage? Fuck yeah, let's do it!"

"I, uh, I wasn't being serious."

"I'm all for it!" He popped up from the mattress and clapped his hands together. "Let's go!"

Lovino leered at him. "You're a little _too_ excited about this. I don't think I want to do it anymore."

"Oh, come on! You're no fun!"

"Fine." He crossed his arm over his chest and surveyed the room. "I just don't know what we'd use for the bonds."

"What about those ties hanging in your closet?"

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? Those are Versace, I'm not risking them getting wrinkled and dirty. Those ties are worth more to me than your life."

"You don't even _wear_ ties!"

"My point still stands."

"Fine," Gilbert said, standing up from the bed. He had already gotten naked half an hour ago in anticipation, and he was through discussing sex without actually _doing_ something. "There's got to be something else we can use."

He explored various drawers, not overly familiar with the placement of everything. Lovino stretched out on the bed, lying on his side with his head propped by his elbow and watching Gilbert with a neutral expression, till Gilbert help up a light checkered scarf that had been stuffed away with some old socks and belts. Lovino gave it a once-over and shrugged. "That's fine, I guess. But it's just one scarf."

"We can use it as a blindfold. Here, put it on me."

He sat cross-legged on the bed while Lovino wrapped the scarf snugly across his eyes, tying a secure knot. Everything went black. Gilbert turned his head back and forth to make sure the blindfold wouldn't slip or come loose.

"Can you see?" Lovino asked.

"No."

"You okay?"

"Yup."

"Okay."

A hand fell on Gilbert's thighs, giving him a small jolt. Strong, slender fingers kneaded the muscles up toward his cock. Every inch of Gilbert's skin tingled from just that touch. He reached out for Lovino and incidentally jabbed his finger somewhere soft.

"Fuck!" Lovino shouted. "What the hell, Gilbert?!"

"Pretty sure you're supposed to tie me up, too," he said, grinning. "Which you're going to have to do if you want to keep me from touching you."

He grunted under his breath. "If it'll prevent you from poking my eye out. Wait here a minute."

The bed groaned when Lovino's weight left it, and soft footfalls puttered around the room as he searched for something useful. The closet's doorknob clicked as it opened, and the hinges squeaked. Sitting in the quiet darkness exposed and unaware got to Gilbert, especially now that Lovino was on the other side of the room doing who-knows-what.

It sounded like he was rummaging through a box as he said, "I have these old shirts that I don't wear anymore. Here's a silk one, so I'll use it to tie your wrists together."

He came back, laid Gilbert down on the bed slowly, and positioned his arms over his head. He sat heavily on top of Gilbert, straddling his waist. His half-hard cock was unmistakable against Gilbert's stomach, and his supple ass tormented Gilbert's own erection.

He fashioned the cool, sleek shirt into a tight, but painless bond. "How's that?"

"Fine."

"You sure?"

Gilbert's heart was fluttering erratically, making it hard to breathe. The thrill of being tied up and blindfolded, with no control over what was going to happen to him, mingled with warm assurance from how _gentle_ Lovino was being.

"I'm sure. I'm perfectly fine," he said. "Can I get a kiss?"

He was wired, lying there expectantly. Their chests pressed against each other as Lovino bent towards him. The familiar sensation of Lovino's lips touching his was electric. It coursed through his entire body, filling him with intense pleasure. He didn't even care about what would come after. If he could just live in that kiss, he would be happy.

Lovino pulled away for a moment. "I'll go slow. Tell me if you want to stop, okay?"

Gilbert gave a nod, and Lovino began to move his hips. He was grinding their bodies together, back and forth. Their soft moans resounded in a room that seemed so much smaller than it had before the blindfold. Gilbert's entire body burned and arced into Lovino, whose thighs would every so often quiver around his hips. Every stimulus was magnetized in the absence of sight.

Just when Gilbert couldn't take the friction any longer, Lovino stopped and got up. The sheets rustled as he shifted across the bed, and then Gilbert felt something wet sliding up his shaft. It circled the head of his cock and dragged back down. Lovino's tongue traveled in long, sensual strokes. Gilbert ached as it reached the top again, teasing his need. Lovino's lips passed over the head, taking Gilbert into his mouth.

Hot, swirling pleasure surrounded him. The tight suction as Lovino's mouth moved up and down urged him towards the edge. The hand that wasn't firmly wrapped around his cock palmed his sack. Then, to Gilbert's growing frustration, Lovino moved away again. 

Already wet fingers poked at Gilbert's back entrance. They were slow and deliberate, making steady strokes in and out of the tight hole. Gilbert was startled by the unexpected touch of Lovino's lips on his ear and released a shaky breath. Lovino's body settled down at his side. His hard cock throbbed against Gilbert's thigh.

"What do you want?" he asked, his tongue flicking his earlobe. From the way he said it, Gilbert could imagine his lips curling in a smirk. He couldn't think well enough to give a proper answer.

"Just...ah...just...keep doing that," he panted.

He sped up his fingers, slamming them deeper inside Gilbert. His mouth stayed by Gilbert's earlobe to nibble, lick, and suck.

"Do you want me inside you?"

"Yes. _God._ Hurry up."

The fingers were pulled out hastily in favor of something much more satisfying.

Though this was far from the first time that they were having sex, it was the first time that Gilbert felt like he was giving himself to Lovino. He carefully looped his arms, still bound at the wrists, over Lovino's head to hold on to his neck. He _liked_ Lovino taking him like this. It wasn't about being degraded or subjugated. It was about being able to embrace every touch and response so completely that he was engulfed in it.

With this new sense of liberation, he began to utilize what he could on every reachable part of Lovino's body. Their cheeks were pressed together, giving Gilbert a general map to follow. He trailed little pecks along the side of Lovino's face till he found his mouth, where he kissed him indulgently. Then he moved to his neck, feeling his way across the skin with his lips and tongue. He sucked on the flesh of Lovino's collar bone, relishing the whine that that drew out. Lovino pushed into him harder. Gilbert sank his teeth into his shoulder.

"Ah! Gil," Lovino cried out.

It wasn't much longer before Lovino burst, and Gilbert soon followed. Warm streams spilled over his own stomach.

His wrists were red when Lovino untied them. It was because his skin was so pale and easy to irritate, not because he was in pain. Lovino brushed a thumb over the abrasion softly when he noticed. He didn't say anything, but Gilbert understood just by that gesture. He jerked his hand away.

He didn't stay in the apartment for very long after they were done. He couldn't, because he knew that if he lingered there when Lovino was acting like that, so warm and compassionate, he was running the risk of becoming infatuated with him.


	17. Chapter 17

The four of them gathered in the living room of Emma's house one evening and wasted hours just talking and joking together. Gilbert and Lovino sat at opposite ends of the couch with Emma between them, and Liz wandered over to the keyboard that was standing against the wall. Liz had been playing the piano for a number of years now, and she was very good. Gilbert always enjoyed hearing her play. She had started long before they'd moved into their apartment. At the college, she had seen posted on several bulletin boards a tear-off ad for piano lessons and had booked weekly classes to keep her fingers well trained. Emma remarked about how jealous she was of Liz's talent. She had never stuck with the instrument. 

Lovino stood up from the couch, muttering some excuse to Emma that Gilbert couldn't hear. Emma looked up at him playfully and said, "You gonna dance for us?"

He smirked. "I can't dance to piano music, I need a better beat."

"I'll play some music!" she said, rushing over to the stereo that was beside the TV.

Liz stopped playing and turned around on the stool. "You dance, Lovino?"

Emma excitedly told her that she needed to watch the show he was about to put on as she plugged her phone into the stereo. An upbeat Spanish-sounding song full of guitars and trumpets came through the speakers. Lovino raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Gilbert didn't know much about dance and couldn't have very well described Lovino's style. Dance had never held much interest for him. But when Lovino began to step to the beat and sway his hips, Gilbert became very interested rather quickly. Each movement was sharp and energetic, mesmerizing. The girls cheered and whistled out loud, while Gilbert had to bottle up his excitement.

Lovino didn't dance to the entire song, claiming to be embarrassed by the attention, though the subtle smile in his eyes seemed to say otherwise. Even so, Gilbert was fully intoxicated by the time he sat back down, and all he could think about was how badly he wanted that lithe little body to move against his with the same sort of passion.

"I had no idea you could dance like that," Gilbert said. "Do you have any other secret talents?"

He turned to him with a glimmer of amusement. "Just because I didn't tell _you_ doesn't mean it was a secret."

Gilbert pretended the comment didn't sting a little. And when Lovino announced that he was heading out, Gilbert asked him if he needed a ride.

"I was just going to walk back to my apartment," he said. "It only takes, like, twenty minutes."

"I'll give you a ride," Gilbert insisted.

Lovino gave a look that showed he understood what Gilbert was really saying and agreed.

It wasn't too late at night, but there wasn't a trace of sunlight left while they walked to where Gilbert had parked his car at the curb. As he was fitting his key into the ignition, Gilbert asked, "So, how did you learn to dance like that?"

"I used to take dance lessons. Why?"

"No reason. It's just interesting."

"It's not that interesting."

Lovino was a terrible conversationalist. Whether that was from general lack of social skill, or indifference to social matters, or indifference to _him_ , Gilbert really couldn't tell. It was frustrating as fuck, though, when he was actually trying to talk to him. The rest of the ride was long periods of silence interrupted only by more attempts on Gilbert's part to get Lovino to open up, just to be shot down. By the time they got to Lovino's apartment, Gilbert was pissed and bored and decided to settle for what he knew he could easily get.

He parked by the stairs that went up to Lovino's apartment, shutting off the engine. He directed Lovino to the back seat. "You wanna hop back there and fuck real quick?"

Lovino was climbing over the seat as soon as the word _"fuck"_ left his mouth.

"Hurry up," he said. "And keep quiet. If someone catches us, I'll lose my apartment."

Car sex, while not nearly as disastrous as shower sex, was still not all that great. It was difficult to find a comfortable position, which led to complaining and arguing from both sides, and the worrying thought of how disgusting the seats were going to be when they were done distracted Gilbert from the pleasure that he should have been feeling.

Gilbert glared at the very obvious stain on the back seat before shutting the car door. He checked his clothing again in the parking lot just to be sure that everything was in order and relatively neat.

"You don't have to follow me to my door, you know," Lovino said, coming from around the other side of the vehicle.

"I know." He followed anyway.

Lovino massaged a crick in his neck that had developed when they'd attempted a sixty-nine position as he climbed the stairs. Gilbert remained a few steps behind him and didn't bother resisting the temptation to ogle the Italian's ass.

"Thought you might get tired of regular sex after we did that bondage thing," Lovino said.

"Regular sex is still good. I mean, it's _sex_. Even when it's bad it's good."

"Well," he mumbled uncertainly, "I didn't really like the bondage thing."

"What? That was great!"

He clacked his tongue. "Of course _you_ thought it was great. You didn't have to do any of the work."

They stopped outside his door and Lovino glanced back at Gilbert as if he was going to say something else, but then his eyes fell and he stuffed his hand in his pocket to search for his keys. It felt weird to walk away without saying goodnight, or at least goodbye. And then again, Gilbert didn't want to walk away just yet.

Lovino found his key and put in the lock.

"Wait," Gilbert said before pulling him back and kissing him.

They fell back against the door, Lovino crushed between it and Gilbert's chest. The kiss was methodical, and full of as much fervor as Gilbert could muster. Lovino kissed back at first, with reservation, and then he broke and turned his head away.

"Stop," he said. "I don't like this."

"Just think of it as an extension of what we're already doing."

His face was pink all over, and his lips pressed together. He couldn't say anything. He just shook his head. Gilbert pressed forward again, unable to keep himself back. He just needed _more_. Lovino, however, was no longer responding to the kiss. He shrank in Gilbert's arms. His fists pushed against Gilbert's chest, which only made Gilbert try harder to break him down. He tried to turn towards the door to keep Gilbert from reaching his lips again.

His shoulders trembled. "Stop...stop..." He was crying.

Gilbert took a step back in shock. "Woah, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Godammit...god..."

Lovino hid his face and tried to hold back his sobs. This was Gilbert's chance. If he could comfort Lovino when he was vulnerable like this, then Lovino would trust him and open himself up more. Maybe then they could talk to one another. They could have a better connection. The purely physical relationship that they had didn't feel right anymore. It only left Gilbert unsatisfied.

He reached out to wrap his arms around Lovino, but Lovino shoved him back. "Don't you _fucking_ dare!" he shouted, glaring ferociously through the tears streaming down his red face. "Don't you fucking dare try to hug me, asshole!"

He scrambled to get inside his apartment and slammed the door behind him.


	18. Chapter 18

"What do you want?" was Lovino's first question. Gilbert had assaulted his doorbell for at least five minutes before he'd answered him. Lovino's second question, as soon as his eyes caught what was in the other man's hand, was, "The fuck are those?"

Gilbert held out a bouquet of tulips. "Flowers."

" _Why_ do you have flowers?"

He swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. "I don't know. Do you like flowers?"

" _No._ "

"Yeah, okay, forget the flowers," Gilbert said, tossing them over the railing behind him without looking, letting them fall to the ground below. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what happened the other day, and I'm here to make it up to you."

Lovino crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. His expression was still firm, but not quite as angry. "And how do you plan to do that?"

"I'm taking you somewhere awesome."

"We're going out?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah! I mean, um, not _'going out'_ , but we're getting out of the apartment."

When they spent time alone together, it was only ever in Lovino's apartment. Gilbert had decided that, if he wanted to feel closer to Lovino, they would need to start from the beginning by hanging out in a normal, social setting. He was actually very proud of his brilliant plan. Lovino didn't look nearly as pleased.

"I feel like I should punch you, but I don't think that would do anything to cure you of your stupidity," he said.

"It'll be fun! I promise!"

Lovino stole a moment to think. He was clearly reluctant. Gilbert did his best to maintain a smile he hoped would communicate that he only had the best of intentions.

"Fine," he said finally. He went inside for a moment to grab his keys off the coffee table. "But you're paying for anything and everything I want!"

 

* * *

 

 

Gilbert had loved amusement parks since he was a little kid, and even as an adult they gave him that same child-like sense of excitement and wonder. He couldn't afford to take Lovino to a theme park with giant and elaborate thrill rides like he would have liked to, but he'd found a little carnival style park by the pier that was nice, too.

"I can't believe you brought me here," Lovino grumbled while they were in line for cotton candy, glancing around at all the bright and colorful attractions. "I feel like I'm in a Hallmark ad for gay couples."

Gilbert offered him a pink, fluffy wad of spun sugar. "Hallmark sells gay couples?"

"Shut up."

He snatched the cotton candy from him with a glare and started off down the line of game booths. Gilbert quickly bought another cotton candy for himself and hurried after him. Lovino didn't go very far or fast away from him, and Gilbert caught up.

"Can I ask you something?" Gilbert asked once he fell in place at Lovino's side. "You don't have to answer."

"What?" Lovino replied, not looking at him.

"How did you and Emma start going out?"

Lovino picked at his candy. "After what happened with Antonio, I only wanted to date girls. I had a crush on Emma in high school. We became friends, and I asked her out. It's really not that great of a story." He tore off a puffy chunk and stuffed it in his mouth in conclusion.

They walked together along the pier at an easy pace. The salty spray from the ocean stung the air, and seagulls squawked overhead. The sounds of people laughing and shouting and multiple rides whirring and playing music formed one exhilarating cacophony of fun. Gilbert thought it was all pretty damn romantic.

"So, how long have you guys been together?"

"We started dating when we were seniors, so almost a year now."

"She was the only one after Antonio?"

Lovino nodded slowly. "There were a few girls before Antonio too. They weren't that serious."

Gilbert hesitated. He didn't want to seem too eager to ask his next question. "What about guys?"

"You're the only guy I've ever done anything with."

"What?!" He cried out so loudly that Lovino jumped.

"I mean, I've messed around,” he said quickly. “Making out with guys, and some over-the-clothes stuff, but...nothing else."

"Oh my god." Gilbert had the idea that Lovino was inexperienced with guys, that he was using him as an experiment, but when he thought about how good the Italian was in bed he had a hard time believing that he was Lovino's first. Hearing Lovino confirm his suspicions was a jarring dose of reality. "I took your gay virginity?!"

"Keep your voice down! And that's not a real thing!" Gilbert threw back his head and laughed. Lovino blushed furiously. "What the fuck is so funny?!"

"I was so sure you were some sleazy Casanova type, but you actually were a virgin!"

"I wasn't a virgin!" he said, affronted. "I'd had loads of sex! It'd just been with girls!"

"You were a gay virgin!"

" _That's not a real thing_!"

In a way, Gilbert was glad that he was Lovino's first. It made him feel a little special, even if it was only an illusion.


	19. Chapter 19

They played a few games as they walked along the pier, most of which they failed at miserably. In an effort to save money and maybe cheer up Lovino, who was even less happy after losing so many rounds of Ring Toss and Squirt Gun, Gilbert tried to convince him to go on a ride. He refused. He said that most of the rides were designed for little children and therefore boring, or else they spun around too much and would probably make him throw up.

"What about that one?" Gilbert asked, pointing to a drop tower ride ahead of them.

Lovino squinted up at the sign. "It's just called _The Drop_? That's creative."

"It is pretty straightforward," he admitted.

"It's phallic."

"Well, it's a tower."

"No, the sign." Lovino pointed up to the flashing board, the words running vertically along a shaft that bulged at the bottom. "Seriously? There are children here."

"Now I feel dirty just looking at it," Gilbert said, grimacing.

"Could they be more obvious?"

"Maybe if once the gondola finishes grinding on the tower they had water spraying out of the top."

" _Oh my god_."

Honest to goodness, Lovino laughed. Gilbert couldn't remember if he'd ever heard him laugh that openly in a way that wasn't mocking, or because he thought that _he_ was funny or clever. He'd never laughed at a joke that Gilbert had made before. It was more of a cackle than a laugh, really, and it didn't sound all that sweet, but Gilbert didn't care.

"There's something else I've been wanting to ask for a while, but there never was an appropriate time."

Lovino grew somber. "You're full of questions lately."

"Why did you kiss me that night we got drunk?"

"Because I was drunk."

"But you must have known what you were doing. At least a little bit."

"I..." He looked away, his face turning red. "I don't know. When you started talking about Liz, you looked so...I don't know how to explain it. I wasn't thinking at first, and then when I started realizing what was going on I thought it was okay, because either we would forget it, or I could blame the alcohol for messing with my brain. I didn't think it would go as far as it did."

It wasn't any kind of confession. Gilbert figured Lovino wouldn't admit to using him if that had been his only intention. Lovino made it sound like he'd kissed him on a whim, which wasn't much better than being used, but might hint at some kind of secret desire. Gilbert wasn't so sure he should entertain the thought that Lovino might actually want him like he wanted Lovino.

"How are things with you and Liz, by the way?" Lovino asked.

"They're okay, I guess," he said with a shrug. "I mean, as okay as they ever are."

He scoffed. "Why are you still with her if you don't like being with her? It doesn't make any sense."

"It's not that. I do care about her. Sure, there are some times when I can't stand her, but that's part of being in a relationship. You have to accept the good and the bad things about people."

He laughed incredulously. "That's not what being in a relationship is about. You can't just love parts of a person and try to ignore everything else. You're supposed to love everything about them, even the parts that aren't so great."

Gilbert took a moment to mull over Lovino's surprising insight. "That sounds nice and all, but there are bound to be things about that person that annoy you from time to time."

"I'm not saying that you're not supposed to get annoyed or fight, and I'm not saying that you're always going to feel like you're in love with them. But, I guess that's how you know you're with the right person. When, at the end of the day, those things don't make you love them and want to be with them any less."

Gilbert's throat tightened. He knew Liz wasn't that person. In the back of his mind, he'd always known. Now, with his growing attachment to Lovino, he hardly ever made time for her or caught himself thinking about her. There wasn't room in his heart for both of them. He could see now that, whether or not he wanted to, he and Liz were going to break up. It was only a matter of when.

"Is Emma that person to you?" he strained to ask Lovino.

He couldn't tell if Lovino really didn't hear the question, or if he was just pretending, but he didn't bother repeating it.

 

* * *

 

 

Gilbert fisted the sheets and squeezed his eyes shut. Lovino's weight on top of him, his surprisingly strong hands holding him, and that hard, steady tempo, sent him spiraling into ecstasy. He spread his legs as wide as he could, tilted his hips even more so that thick cock rubbed his sweet spot at the perfect angle.

"Lovino," he moaned, "you're incredible."

"I know," Lovino said with a smug grin.

He slicked his sweat-drenched hair back out of his face, and Gilbert got a better look into his eyes. They were tranquil green pools of water, and Gilbert was certain he was drowning.

"I mean it. You're amazing."

Their situation was entirely ridiculous. Gilbert just happened to be lonely enough and Lovino just happened to be curious enough for them to gravitate towards each other. It was terribly unfair that Lovino also happened to be incredibly sexy and secretly sweet and make Gilbert want to see more of him. They weren't supposed to have feelings for each other, but somehow everything had gotten messed up. It was only getting worse, but Gilbert didn't know how to stop.

Lovino stopped moving, his composure ever so slightly shaken. "You're...you're really into it tonight..."

Gilbert arched upwards, desperate for release, and, oh yeah, that was it. That was it, _right there_. Lovino gasped as Gilbert pushed himself onto his cock, and he resumed his rhythm. They were both breathing heavily, both so close. One more deep thrust and Gilbert cried out from the intensity of his climax pooling on the sheets beneath him. Lovino's hips jerked and Gilbert felt a rush of heat inside him. His fingernails dug into the muscles of Gilbert's shoulders. After that, the harshness of their breathing was the only sound in the room.

When Lovino withdrew and collapsed beside him, Gilbert shifted so they were face to face. Lovino's lips were dark and swollen from rough use, his damp hair clung to his forehead. He was always so beautiful.

He scooted over till his head rested against Lovino's bare shoulder and his lips were mere inches away from his smooth, warm skin. He wanted so badly to kiss him. No matter how little or how much he got from Lovino, he always wanted more, and he wasn't all that practiced at denying himself what he wanted. But he had to restrain himself. Even if it was painful. He would only end up pushing Lovino away again.

"I get it, you know," he said softly. "You don't want to be vulnerable. That's why you act like you do. I just want you to know that, if I hurt your feelings or something, it's not because I'm doing it on purpose or because I don't care. Sometimes I just don't think things through, I guess."

Lovino sighed. "I know. But we..."

"What?"

He was quiet for a long time before he finally said, "Nothing. Go to sleep."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Also a repost. After thinking about it more, I changed my mind about including Lovino's POV. I think the narrative would flow much better if I just kept it to Gilbert's perspective. Also, I think Lovino will be a more interesting character in the end if I keep him aloof and enigmatic.

Sometime in the night, Gilbert scooted closer to Lovino and wrapped his arms around him. He was only faintly aware that he did that, being half asleep at the time, just as he was when Lovino later pushed him away. Just as he was when someone else knocked at the door.

"Gilbert," Lovino said in a harsh whisper. "Wake up, goddammit."

He shook him frantically until Gilbert shot up, blinking his bleary eyes until they could focus on Lovino in front of him. The Italian's eyes were wide and his face was pale. "What's going on?"

"Emma's here."

A stinging cold washed over Gilbert's entire body. He felt unbearably nauseous.

Lovino jumped out of bed and threw on the first shirt he found. "Hide somewhere until she's gone."

They both got dressed as quickly as they were able to, and then Gilbert hid in the closet. Things got quiet then. The only sounds were that of the AC system whirring. That and the walls between them muffled Lovino's voice as he greeted Emma at the front door. There was no light source within the closest, so Gilbert sat alone in the dark.

Gilbert wasn't a fan of dark, quiet places. It wasn't that he was afraid, he just found the lack of stimulation unsettling. And yet here he was, with four walls and a crack of light under the door, white noise faint in the background. His own thoughts the loudest thing in the absence of outside interference. He wasn't even claustrophobic, but he felt like Lovino might as well have stuffed him in a shoebox.

Then again, wasn't that really where he was? Stuck in Lovino's metaphorical shoebox. Not even a nice box, just a cheap old paper box that would have otherwise been thrown away, stuffed in the back of his closet and out of sight. Taken out when and if Lovino should want him and hidden away again when he didn't, when he decided he'd rather be out in the living room with his girlfriend. Making coffee and sitting with her. Talking with her. Grabbing her waist and kissing her, making her blush and giggle. Giving her his time and affection. While all Gilbert got was a fucking box.

Jesus Christ. He was actually beginning to cry over this.

Gilbert was surprised when the closet door opened. He wiped at his eyes quickly, unable to look up at Lovino, unwilling to let him see his face. No doubt he looked as miserable as he felt. Lovino, of all people, couldn't see him like this.

Lovino didn't say anything, so Gilbert did. "Hiding in the closet from his girlfriend," he muttered. "How cliché."

He sniffed and tried to laugh at the situation, but the sound came out as a tiny whimper. God, how embarrassing. Lovino still was silent, and Gilbert didn't know what to say to this person who gave him nothing and yet still managed to have such an effective hold on him.

"How the hell did I get into this mess?" he breathed aloud.

Things were on the verge of falling to pieces. He couldn't go on like this much longer. He didn't have the stomach for it anymore. With a sigh that was half a groan of pain, he pushed himself to his feet and said, "I'm gonna go."

And he left, nearly positive that he wouldn't be coming back.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who saw this chapter coming?
> 
> *slowly raises hand*

Gilbert wanted to punch something to restore his manliness after he'd let Lovino see him crying for the second time. As he drove back to his own apartment, his anger grew and his resolve strengthened. He had more pride than this. He couldn't keep being Lovino's secret experimentation. He deserved better.

Or at least, he felt like he deserved better, until he remembered that what Lovino was doing to him wasn't any better than what he was doing to Liz. This wasn't really life screwing him over. This was probably Karma finally catching up with him.

Liz didn't look happy when Gilbert came home. She asked him where he'd been. Gilbert should have expected that she'd want to know, but he stopped short at the question, unprepared to answer.

"You've been really distant lately, and I just don't know what's gotten into you," she said.

No matter how he answered, it was going to make him suspicious. This was going to lead to an argument, he could sense it. There was no real way out of letting her know the truth anymore. He just had to tell her. He was going to suffocate if he didn't.

"I'm sorry. I..." He didn't know how to start.

Liz looked concerned. "What?"

"I...I know that our relationship hasn't been the smoothest one. And I know I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I know you get embarrassed by me sometimes." She didn't argue that last point, which only made it harder to continue. "I'm not trying to excuse anything, but...I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm not oblivious to these things. And as hard as it is for you, it's hard for me, too."

"Gil..."

"I'm not done. Just, um..." He ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. The words stuck to the back of his throat. Forgetting the rest of the innumerable things he wanted to say to her, he decided that he just needed to get the final part over with. "I cheated on you. And I know telling you I'm sorry doesn't fix that, but for the record, I am sorry."

Her expression passed from shock and confusion to quiet disappointment much quicker than Gilbert had expected. He braced himself for crying and screaming and violence, but they never came.

"Well...I guess that explains a lot," she said. "I have a confession to make, too. I've also been seeing someone else."

The news didn't fully sink in at first. "When did that happen?"

"About two months ago."

About two months was about twice as long as Gilbert had been sneaking around with Lovino. In Gilbert's head, that made it about twice as bad. There were so many questions, he didn't know which one he should ask first. How did this happen? Why would she do something like this? "Who...?"

"Roderich."

It took a moment before he recognized that name. "Your piano teacher?"

Gilbert had never actually met Roderich. He'd never come over to their apartment, because Liz's piano lessons took place at the college. Or at least, that's what she had always told him. He would never know for sure if they were in the music building on campus, or if they were in a more intimate setting. The doubt had never entered his mind before, but now he would always wonder just how much she'd lied about.

He felt like he'd somehow walked into a different life not his own. One that probably took place inside a soap opera universe. This wasn't really happening.

"He's sweet," Liz said defensively. "And he's smart, and he's—"

"Please, don't feel like you have to explain anything to me." He really didn't want to hear it. Every phrase was just another stab to the heart, an indirect insult. Liz was seeing Roderich because he was _sweet_ and _smart_. And Gilbert wasn't.

Her eyes locked firmly with his. "You have no right to be getting angry at me. You did the same thing."

"I came clean. You waited until I fucked up, thinking then you could soften the blow and get off easy. Two months?"

"It doesn't matter how long it was."

"But, _two months_?" She was right, it didn't matter. Gilbert didn't care about the length of time, except that he couldn't believe that it had lasted that long and he'd never noticed. "Is that how long you've been sneaking around to see him, or just how long you've actually been sleeping with him?"

She had the gall to look offended by the accusation. "I never _slept_ with Roderich. I've just been seeing him."

"Of course. It's just been two months of getting coffee."

"Did you sleep with whoever you've been cheating on me with?"

"Well, _yeah_!"

The sheer amount of disgust on her face was tangible. "I can't believe you! That's so much worse!"

"What does it matter? You still cheated on me all the same!"

"How many times?"

"What?" he asked.

"How many times did you sleep with them?"

"I don't know! I didn't keep count! Why even ask that? You probably slept with Roderich twice as much as I slept with Lovino!"

"I never slept with Roderich because he didn't want to do that until after I broke up with you!"

And there was the fatal blow. Even though Gilbert knew this had been a long time coming, it still knocked the air out of his lungs.

"Are we breaking up?" he asked.

She stared silently at him for a while, her lips pursed in a frown. "Is there anything else to do at this point?"

His chest ached, and his pride deflated. This was all wrong. They shouldn't have ended up like this. When had they become so absorbed in themselves that they so callously disregarded each other's feelings? A part of Gilbert knew that it was only for the best that they end it now, but the rest of him shook at the thought that they'd wasted so much time just to hurt each other like this. 

The spark of realization came late. Liz's expression contorted into one of bewilderment. "Did you say _Lovino_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like PruHun! I think it's really cute! But somehow, whenever I include PruHun in my stories, it always ends horribly...O.o


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clumsy character introductions! Long-ass chapter! Also, REPOST! After thinking about it more, I didn't like chapter 20, so it has been changed. Why not go and read it???

Gilbert sat in his World History class before anyone else showed up. His notes were laid out before him on the desk, giving the impression that he was an overachieving student. He was really only there because he didn't have much else to do that day aside from stress over how much his life sucked lately. Plus, he was worried about running into people he really didn't want to see. He wasn't hiding or anything. That would be cowardly. He was just tactically avoiding roaming the campus, where any one of the people he passed by could be any of the three that currently hated his guts.

A girl with short blonde hair entered the classroom, and when Gilbert caught sight of her in the corner of his vision he nearly had a heart attack. His eyes locked on her in a panic, but _praises be_ , it wasn't Emma. This girl was much smaller than Lovino's girlfriend. Cuter too, with her big green eyes and button nose, a purple ribbon tied in her hair. She sat in the front row close to the door, far in front of Gilbert, who sat in the back.

For the past week, Gilbert hadn't been in a state where he could attend class. For one, he'd been homeless. For two, class had been the last thing on his mind amidst all the drama that had consumed his life. He'd taken a little break so that he could clear his mind and pick himself up from rock bottom. Meaning he had no idea what was even going on in most of his classes anymore.

His stare lingered on the girl's small frame. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone lately, even if it was just to ask for notes, but at the same time she was so cute that he couldn't say the thought was entirely unpleasant. After much deliberation, he walked up to her desk with his notes in hand and tapped her on the arm. She jumped and whirled around.

"Hey, do you mind if I copy some of your notes?" Hastily and without question, she took out her notebook to hand over to him. He muttered a thanks and sat at the desk beside hers, flipping through the pages to see what all he'd missed.

There was only the sound of a scratching pen for a while as Gilbert copied the long and detailed lectures that she had scribed in her delicate writing. He felt her gentle gaze resting on him until she asked, "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" he said absentmindedly. "Oh, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Does it have to do with...?" She pointed to her right eye.

"Oh." He touched his own right eye, where a nasty purple hue had developed around the inner circle. It wasn't as bad as it had been several days before, the edges had started fading to yellow, but it was still noticeable. "Yeah, some of it has to do with that."

"Did you get into a fight?"

It hadn't really been a fight so much as it had been Gilbert trying to dodge the various objects that Liz had thrown at him when she kicked him out of his apartment for the final time. "Yeah," he mumbled. "With my now-ex."

"I'm sorry. That's terrible."

"It doesn't hurt," he professed.

It hurt a little.

"I meant that you broke up," she said.

"Oh, right." That hurt a little more. It was a different sort of pain, though. It was a deep, prolonged loneliness that never seemed to end. But he still had to admit, "That was probably for the best."

If he could do it over, he would have changed the way they'd ended, but he couldn't say that he would have stayed. 

She gave a soft, sad smile. Gilbert didn't want anyone's pity, but it was such a sweet expression that he let it pass without saying anything. It was a refresher that he could use a little more of in his life. 

 

* * *

 

What Gilbert was immensely proud of was that he was actually a very good student, despite what people expected from him. In fact, he was such a good student that he'd been granted quite a lot of money in scholarships and loans, which was what he used to pay for not only college but all his bills. It was how he'd managed to get a decent apartment close to school without having to work. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to be enough to get him back on his feet.

Gilbert slept in his car that night, as he'd done since he'd broken up with Liz. It would be absolutely idiotic to risk going to Lovino's apartment. Once he'd pushed back his seat and gotten comfortable, he took out his phone. He couldn't put it off any longer. It was time to call home.

"Hello," a voice answered after a few rings.

"Hey, Luddy," Gilbert greeted, a smile spreading across his lips. He was very fortunate that it was his adoring little brother who'd picked up instead of his parents. "How ya doing?"

"Fine," he said lightly. With a sudden tone shift, "Dad's not happy with you."

That could have been referring to a number of different things and wasn’t anything new, and Gilbert really didn’t have the time or energy to address it. He simply cut straight to the point. "He's about to be even less happy. I need him to give me a small loan of a couple hundred dollars, and a character reference so that my potential new landlord knows what an amazing person I am."

A moment of silence followed before, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Could you ask him? He likes you."

"Why are you getting a new apartment all of a sudden?"

The details were still too fresh for Gilbert to get into them, but he knew Ludwig would only worry if he told him nothing. "I broke up with Liz and moved out. Things just didn't work between us, but I'm fine, so no need to get worked up."

Ludwig probably had a little bit of an anxiety problem. Gilbert may or may not have wondered if he suffered from the same thing. He most certainly blamed their father.

"I'll see what I can do," Ludwig said, disgruntled, "but I can't promise anything."

"You're the best!"

"Uh huh," he sighed.

"I looooove yooou," Gilbert sang.

"I'm hanging up."

"Wait, no, Ludwig!"

"What?"

"Just, uh, how's everything? Come on, talk to me for a little bit."

Ludwig wasn't always good at picking up on clues, but they knew each other better than that. "Okay," he said, "I can talk for a bit."

 

* * *

 

What sounded way better than living in a new apartment all alone after a breakup? Aside from anything other than that? _Getting a dog just after a breakup_. So much better.

Gilbert was visiting the apartments he had been considering recently, talking to the lady sitting behind the desk in the lobby, and was getting ready to ask about their policy on dogs when he noticed someone walk in the front door.

No. Not someone. Lovino.

Gilbert thought he saw the Italian just about everywhere lately, but this _had_ to be him. He had the brown hair with the bangs that fringed around his stupid, perfect face, complete with wayward curl. Gilbert was thrown at the sight of him, he didn’t even stop to consider how in the world or why Lovino would be here. He just stared.

Lovino walked right passed him without so much as glancing in his direction, because, as Gilbert realized when he got close to him, he  _wasn't_ Lovino. Gilbert froze for a moment, confused, because he wasn't just seeing what he wanted to see this time. The resemblance was uncanny, but the thing that really set them apart was the smile. This guy's was set in place, ingenuous. Not cocky, or lopsided, or shy, or all the other things Lovino's smile could be. This guy was super cute. But, Gilbert lamented, he wasn't Lovino.

"Are you alright?" the lady that he'd stopped responding to so that he could gape at a stranger asked. 

Not-Lovino turned back to him with a questioning look.

"Sorry," Gilbert staggered, still staring at the doppelganger, whose eyes he discovered were brown. Not green. "It's just...you remind me a lot of someone I know."

"Oh, really? Who?" Not-Lovino asked in a pleasant way that seemed very strange, considering whose face he was wearing.

"His name's Lovino."

He nodded. "I thought as much. That's my brother."

That explained it. Gilbert dismayed, "He never told me he had a brother."

The guy shrugged, not noticeably offended or bothered. He must have been used to it.

"How do you know Lovino?" he asked.

Gilbert chuckled nervously. "It's…kind of a long story."

Lovino's brother looked from Gilbert's face to his unwashed, wrinkled clothing, to the resident application in his hand. He pointed to the door and said, "I was about to go over to my apartment to eat. Do you want to come over for a bit?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what Liechtenstein's human age is supposed to be, but she's in college now! *flies away*


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! We're returning to short chapters as well. Also, no smut for a while as I sort through all the drama that Gilbert and Lovino got themselves into, but don't worry! This story isn't going to get too angsty or anything, and the sexy times will return.

"My name's Feliciano, by the way. I think I forgot to mention that. You can sit down at the table and make yourself comfortable. Are you hungry? I'll get you some food!" Lovino's brother chattered away as he led Gilbert into his apartment.

All of the apartment complexes that Gilbert had looked at thus far were fairly modest and standard, and this one was no different. He couldn't afford anything else, and he figured Feliciano was in the same boat, judging from the surroundings. There wasn't much to see except for a card table that served as a dining table, a couch that looked like it had been picked up off a street corner, and a carpet that had a week's worth of trash littered across it. Gilbert couldn't really complain. Beggars couldn't be choosers, after all.

Feliciano opened the fridge as Gilbert took a seat in one of two plastic lawn chairs at the card table. "So...how did you say you know Lovino?" 

Gilbert had yet to say how, because he still found himself struggling to talk about Lovino even in a normal scenario, and this was not a normal scenario. He hesitated to talk about the guy he'd accidentally slept with and fallen in love with to his brother that he hadn't known about and never met until just now, but he couldn't avoid giving some kind of answer.

"We go to the same school. I, well, I met him through my now ex-girlfriend, and we have orchestra together, except..." _Except I haven't seen him for a week because I've been purposefully avoiding him because I may have ruined his relationship and he might hate me._

There was no way Gilbert could say that thought out loud. Feliciano was kind enough not to bring attention to it. He took out a container of what looked to be soup, set it on the counter, and said, "Well, I'm glad Lovi is making friends. He doesn't like to talk to me about that kind of stuff, but dad constantly asks about him and I get worried sometimes."

From that, Gilbert got the feeling that Lovino wasn't very close to his family. Lovino didn't like being close with people, but he expected family to be different. Family was important.

"Has he always been so goddamn... _independent_?" Gilbert asked, trying to put it in the nicest way possible.

"Independent? Lovino?" Feliciano turned his head and laughed. "He's not really like that. He's just...he's..." 

He pursed his lips together in consideration. 

"Well...he may seem that way, but...Lovi's kind of like a cat. He's needy, but he's also really picky. He wants attention, but only when and how he wants it, and if he doesn't think you're doing it right then he'll get cranky. He probably won't tell you why he's cranky, either. He'll just start hissing and scratching you."

Gilbert chuckled at just how appropriate that description was. He imagined Lovino with full-on cat ears and a tail, spitting and snarling with that petulant glare of his, and an expected pang hit him in the chest. 

Feliciano turned away from the kitchenette after putting the soupy leftovers on the stove to heat up and sat across from Gilbert at the card table. His face was full of concern. "Are you doing okay?"

"What? Me?" Gilbert said. "Yeah, of course I'm okay."

"Sorry," Feliciano said with an embarrassed smile. "I know it's none of my business, and I know we only just met and I randomly invited you over to my apartment, but you just seemed like you've been through a hard time lately."

He looked at him with a soft expression, and Gilbert found himself wanting to tell Feliciano everything. Everything that had happened with Lovino, Liz, and all his problems. That was a strange feeling. Gilbert never wanted to talk about his problems, preferring instead just to pretend that they didn't exist, or at the very least that he could handle it himself, no matter how big it was. But Feliciano was so honest and kind, and it had been a long time since he'd met someone like that.

"I...uhh..." he mumbled. "Well...maybe things haven't been that great lately."

He wasn't going to talk about everything with Feliciano. He couldn't, not with how deeply connected Lovino was to most of them. But it made him feel a little better just to have people ask.

"You're looking for an apartment, right? I can help if you want. If you need a reference or if you have questions about these apartments. I know this place really well, and people here like me!"

Gilbert could see why. Feliciano was already growing on him. "That would be great, Feliciano! You're so awesome!"

He grinned. "Especially since you're Lovino's friend, I can't just not offer to help out."

A little bit of unease followed that statement, since Gilbert was sure that Lovino would be angered by the suggestion that they were friends, but he couldn't divulge that either. Their relationship wasn't just in a gray area anymore, their relationship was in a twilight zone between regret and absolute misery. He didn't think he could stand things being like this for much longer.

"Hey, Feliciano..." Gilbert said uncertainly. "Say you had to talk to your brother about something kind of serious and you weren't sure how he'd handle it..."

"Oh? What is it?"

"Uh...doesn't really matter. But how would you do it so that he doesn't...take it too badly?"

"Well," he said thoughtfully. "I'm not sure since I don't know what it's about. But I'd say just tell him in a straightforward way. He doesn't like it when others beat around the bush. And don't do it in front of other people, because if he starts crying then he'll get even angrier if there's other people around to see it."

Not talking about it in front of other people was a no-brainer, and Gilbert was less worried about Lovino crying than he was about Lovino trying to strangle him to death, but he supposed he would take the advice about being direct. It would probably be less effort than trying to be evasive, anyway. He'd put off confronting it long enough. Now that he felt like he was in a better frame of mind, all he had to do was find Lovino, and hope that he would listen to what he had to say.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've lost control of this story and my life, but it's okay.

Out of all the classes that Gilbert had missed recently, orchestra practice was the least regrettable. By now, Emma must have dumped Lovino, and Lovino must certainly blame Gilbert for everything and never want to speak to him again. It was like a bad high school movie that didn't know when to end. But avoiding Lovino like Gilbert had been doing would only save him for so long. He could drop orchestra if he was really intent on never seeing him again, but he didn't want to do that. He wanted to hope that there was some way that Lovino might not hate him forever. It was a long shot, but he was willing to give it a try.

Normal orchestra practices were on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, while extra practice times were scheduled on Saturdays. When Gilbert entered the music building on Monday for the first time in over a week, Lovino was already there. He was standing just beside the two large double doors to the practice hall with his violin case in hand, and he wasn't alone. He was talking and laughing with Emma and Antonio in the few minutes they had before class started. Gilbert stopped at the other end of the hall and stared, utterly confused. What had he missed in the past week that had led Lovino to be talking with Antonio so normally? And why was Emma there? His thoughts were thrown into disarray. He started walking towards them mechanically, no longer sure what he was going to say.

The three spotted him as he drew closer, and each of them offered him a unique reaction. Antonio smiled; while Gilbert was still wary of his monopoly on Lovino's affections, he was at the bottom of Gilbert's list of concerns at the moment. Emma, who had previously been smiling, stopped. Something that wasn't quite anger flashed in her eyes and pierced straight through him. He couldn't be sure what it was she was feeling in that instant or what she thought of him, but that look did tell him one thing: _She_ _knew_.

Lovino's reaction incorporated his entire body. He tightened up as soon as he saw Gilbert, retreating a step like he was ready to bolt out of the building. His jaw clamped shut, and his eyes went wide with fear.

Gilbert forgot himself for a second and simply stood there and took in all the different expressions and emotions. Antonio was the first one to speak. 

"Hey, Gilbert."

Gilbert acknowledged him with a look and a forced smile before turning his attention to Lovino. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He didn't look like he wanted to say yes, but he managed a slight nod. Emma touched his shoulder gently and told him that she would see him after he got out of class. She passed by Gilbert without another glance in his direction, and Antonio followed her. Gilbert watched them till they were almost out of the building, and then he turned back to Lovino.

"You're talking to Antonio again," he observed.

"Yeah," Lovino said. His smile was almost unnoticeable, and yet it spoke volumes. Gilbert hated that he was smiling because of Antonio.

Before he could say another word, Lovino started walking away from him. He headed towards a small branching hallway, looking back over his shoulder briefly just before turning into it, bidding Gilbert to follow. There was one closed door, a utility closet or something like that, neatly tucked away at the end of the ingress. Lovino set his violin down before slumping to the floor, pulling his knees up close to his chest. Gilbert sat across from him.

"What happened to you?" he muttered before Gilbert gathered himself up enough to start.

"What do you mean?"

"Quit shitting around. You disappeared for an entire week. What the hell happened?"

"Well, after I got kicked out of the apartment—"

He cut him off with a glare. "Are you fucking kidding me? You're still letting Liz kick you out?"

This wasn't going anything like Gilbert thought it would. Lovino wasn't as angry as he'd expected. He seemed more worn out than anything else. Even stranger, he acted like he was completely unaware of what happened. Gilbert wavered uncertainly before telling him, "Liz and I broke up."

Lovino was stunned. He really hadn't known. "What? So, _that's_ why you weren't around?"

"I've been busy trying to find some other place to live," Gilbert said.

"Where have you been staying?"

"In my car."

"You've been _living in your car_ for the past week? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? You want some crazy drunk guy to break in and fuck you up? Why didn't you just—" His voice rose in pitch and intensity as he berated Gilbert till he abruptly cut himself off with a huff. "Never mind. I don't even care."

"Look," Gilbert said firmly, trying to regain control over the conversation, "before anything else, what I really wanted to tell you is that I don't want everything that's happened to make us feel awkward and like we have to avoid each other."

"Tch," Lovino hissed. "You say that when you were the one who avoided me for a fucking week."

"I _was_ a little preoccupied, you know."

"You could have told me what was going on."

"Well, I thought..!"

He'd thought that Lovino was harboring murderous intentions after being dumped by Emma. But he hadn't been dumped by Emma, and he hadn't been told that Liz knew that they'd slept together. Whatever reason those girls had for not revealing these things to him, Gilbert would only be acting against self-interest if he did it for them now. So, instead, he lied.

"I thought you wouldn't care." It was a half lie, really. He usually assumed that Lovino didn't care much about his well-being.

"I don't," Lovino replied automatically, but then retracted. "I just...I thought you were doing it on purpose. I thought you were mad about what happened..."

He tucked his head to his knees, turning his gaze down. For all he'd known, Gilbert had been so fed up with him after being reduced to hiding in the closet the day that Emma came over that he'd refused all usual contact without so much as a word. If those droopy eyes were any indication, that had upset him. Gilbert couldn't help but grin. Lovino really was too cute.

"Lovino," he said, "I like you. I like being with you and hanging out with you. Even if you are pretentious and aggravating and kind of bitchy sometimes."

He frowned. "Are you trying to compliment me?"

"I'm just trying to tell you how I feel."

Gilbert had no misconceptions. Lovino would never accept it if he tried to explain the full extent of his intense and complicated feelings. But, if nothing else, Gilbert would try to keep Lovino in his life, in whatever way he could.

"I have a lot of friends, so I don't need any more. But...at the same time, they're not here. They're back in my hometown, where I used to live before I came here to go to school. And now Liz and I aren't together anymore, so I'm not going to be spending all my time with her."

They were no longer tied to each other through Emma and Liz. There was no reason that they would need to hang around each other anymore. They could endure orchestra practice without incident. They could go about their lives without ever speaking to each other again. That was the last thing that Gilbert wanted.

Lovino's lips pursed together thoughtfully, curling into a smirk. "So, what you're trying to say is, you need me to hang out with you because you're a loser who can't make new friends?"

"That's _not_ what I said."

"It was implied."

"Nothing was implied!" he shouted. "Have you _met_ me? I could become the most popular person at this school if I wanted to!"

"Oh yeah?" Lovino said challengingly. "Then why are you trying to be friends with _me_?"

"I told you, I like you." He gave a brisk wave of his hand to show how unconcerned he was towards Lovino's less than enthusiastic answer. "If you hate me and don't want to be friends with me, then just say so."

"I never said that I hate you." That small sentiment, which Gilbert realized was true, was just vague enough to be dangerously encouraging. "But...are you really going to pretend that what you're suggesting isn't weird?"

"Who cares if it's weird?"

"Gilbert..." He released a heavy sigh. "Whenever I'm with you, I feel guilty."

And with those words, his spirits plunged. He'd worried about this very thing. This was a significant obstacle, and not one that was guaranteed to ever go away. 

The sound of footsteps echoed through the hall, and Gilbert peered around the corner to see the orchestra director throw open the doors to the practice hall. Class was starting. They needed to take their respective seats before they were marked absent. They'd run out of time. Lovino picked himself off the floor, and Gilbert jumped up as well.

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

Lovino shook his head. "I don't know."

He grabbed his violin and started toward the classroom. He marched with his head down over to the front section and Gilbert went towards the other flutes.

The class went by in a blur. The director's instruction, the music, everything filtered out as Gilbert found it increasingly hard to focus. His attention was ever drifting with the fear that this was how things were going to be from now on, that he couldn't get any closer than sitting in the orchestra and staring at the back of Lovino's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovino, your tsundere is showing.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha, I don't know how to flirt. But that's okay, because I don't think Gilbert knows how to flirt either.

Gilbert was realistic when it came to most things. If he did what he could and things failed to work out, he knew better than to keep repeating the same tactic. It was better to quit while you were ahead and show that you were unbothered than to make yourself look desperate. He didn't care what people thought about him, but he liked to put forth a good image of himself anyway. Even contradictory actions could alter your innermost feelings.

Lovino didn't know what he wanted to do anymore. Gilbert pretended he didn't care. With a little time, he didn't. Much.

He didn't know what he'd been expecting when he'd tried to maintain some kind of relationship with Lovino. He tended to act as if nothing mattered except his own feelings, but he knew that wasn't true. He hadn't considered that Lovino might be going through a difficult time as well, it was so hard to read him sometimes. Even if Lovino had wanted to be around him like he wanted to be around Lovino, Gilbert didn't honestly think he would be satisfied unless Lovino gave him all his affection and attention, and that just wasn't going to happen. Lovino was probably going to continue his pseudo-relationship with Emma while still being secretly in love with Antonio, and there was nowhere for Gilbert to fit into that arrangement.

His attendance improved as he pushed thoughts of Lovino out of his mind. He'd just signed the lease agreement on his new apartment, which Feliciano had kindly offered to help him move in to. Things were going well. He walked into his World History class like normal and sat towards the back of the room. The professor had yet to enter the room and begin the lesson, so the other students were leaning over their desks on their phones or talking across the aisles. Gilbert took out his phone as well and opened various apps to keep himself occupied. He couldn't help but keep one ear open to eavesdrop on the conversations going on around him. A couple of guys in front of him were bonding over their different experiences in the honor society. Gilbert would have mentally offered his own input if he had any understanding of what they were talking about.

A voice to his left noted, "Your eye's all better."

Gilbert looked to see the cute blonde who'd lent him her notes sitting across from him with her backpack on top of the desk. "Yup," he said, smiling. "I'm back to my normal, handsome self."

She smiled back modestly. "What was your name?"

"Gilbert. How about you?"

"Lily."

That name suited her perfectly. She was gentle and pretty, just like a flower.

"Did you get caught up in all your notes?" she asked.

He nodded. "This class isn't that hard, so I didn't get that far behind."

"It's not hard," she agreed, "but hopefully you don't have to miss a week's worth of classes again any time soon."

"Right? Just imagine how terrible and boring this class would be without me."

She cocked her head with an innocent look. "You don't even talk much during class."

"My time and opinions are important. I have to save them for important matters and important people. I'm only here because I need the credit."

"Well," she pondered, "life is short."

Cute, shy, sweet, agreeable. The more he thought about it, the more perfect she seemed. He wondered if she had a boyfriend.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Her eyes widened. "What?"

Oh. Oops. He didn't mean to say that out loud, but there was no way he could back out now. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No," she said softly.

"Oh! Okay. I mean, that's okay. I'm sure you'll find someone. It's fine if you don't have a boyfriend."

"...Okay." She reflected on his words for a moment, blushing uncertainly, and then turned forward in her desk. Gilbert's gaze lingered on her for another moment, but then he faced away too and reminded himself to breathe.

 

* * *

 

The walk to the music building was becoming less painful as Gilbert figured out over the course of a few days what to expect to happen during orchestra practice. Neither he nor Lovino would look or talk directly to the other, and Gilbert would feel the distance between them pulling him apart for a moment until he, by sheer will of suppression, managed to focus on the sheet music propped on the stand in front of him and play.

A small group of students had gathered outside the practice hall in the few minutes before class, Lovino and Emma among them. Lovino had his back to Gilbert and didn't see him, but Emma did. Her eyes flew to him, and in the very next instant she looked away and stepped closer to Lovino, lacing her fingers behind his neck and smiling up at him. He put his hands on her arms, but instead of letting go she pulled him into a kiss. Gilbert couldn't turn away. As soon as it was over, Lovino ducked into the music hall without looking back.

Gilbert felt a strain in his throat as he swallowed and kept moving forward. Emma approached him with a stern countenance, stopping directly in front of him. "You look like you want to say something."

Though there were a number of things he wanted to say to her, the way she said it sounded like she was projecting. _She_ wanted him to say something, and it wasn't hard to guess what that might be. "I guess an apology is probably in order, huh?"

She gave a sardonic laugh, crossing her arms over her chest. "Sure. That would be nice."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

The words hardly fazed her. "I don't think I can forgive you just yet."

"That's fair," he said with a nod. "Though, it looks like you've forgiven Lovino."

As fearless as he was, Gilbert had met a few people that were really good at glaring and could make his heart stop with just one look. His brother had a nice harsh glare that he'd learned from their father. Liz and Lovino both had really good glares, too. But Emma—sweet, sunny Emma—was the first person who made him feel like he was seeing a premonition of his own death as she locked her eyes with his. After that, he knew better than to question her relationship with Lovino again.

"I don't understand you," she said, her voice dripping with disdain. "I couldn't believe it when Liz told me. What in the world got into your head to make you think what you did was okay?"

He didn't want there to be any misunderstandings between them. There were enough of those going around already, and she had always been honest with him. "I never thought that what I was doing was okay. I knew it wasn't."

"Why did you do it then?"

There was nothing he could say to make her understand why. Any rationalization that he'd concocted in the moment no longer made sense. He'd avoided too much thinking to escape the guilt. And then he'd grown attached in a way that he couldn't put into words, and then everything had fallen apart. He fell silent, the strain in his throat growing worse.

"Oh my god..." The contempt in her face melted into consternation. "You...?"

He knew she'd realized what he couldn't say out loud, and he didn't like that. He didn't even really understand his feelings himself yet. He'd known that he was physically attracted to other guys, but this had never happened before. He didn't know why he felt this way about Lovino, or what he was supposed to do about it now that they'd ended up like this. As was normally the case, it was best to just not do anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert has a thing for people who's name begin with the letter L, I guess. Liz (even though that's her nickname), Lovino, and now Lily.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Here's some Prumano to brighten up the day.

The flow of time was monotonous. School was the same, the new apartment was starting to feel more like home, and Gilbert found it hard to be interested in most things.

He saw Lovino hurry to the bathroom one day as soon as they were released from practice. Even after not talking to him for several weeks, his eyes still followed the little brunet whenever he was in his sights, against his will. He caught a glimpse of his face, wrenched and afflicted, and wavered for a moment. He continued down the hallway. As much as he wanted to do something, he knew it was better to stay out of it.

He was outside the music building, strolling along the sidewalk when he spotted Antonio headed toward him. He avoided meeting his gaze in hopes that he wouldn't try to talk to him, but no such luck. Antonio noticed him immediately and waved to him. Gilbert couldn't help but frown.

"Gilbert! Hi! Have you seen Lovino?" His usual cheerful disposition was colored with a tinge of distress.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, not as concerned as the question might have implied.

"Oh, uh," he blinked and took a step back, "probably. I don't know. I just can't find him inside the music building. Well, he's been really stressed out lately and I've been worrying about him, and the fact that I can't find him is weird. He's usually waiting for me when he gets out of practice, so..."

Gilbert's conflicted feelings toward Antonio reached a new height. It was hard not to like him when he was always smiling and acting so nice, but Gilbert didn't want to like him. It was kind of petty. He shouldn't be bothered anymore. He should have given up a long time ago. No, he had. Seeing Antonio care so much just annoyed him.

"I don't know where he is. Sorry."

Wow, that was _really_ petty.

"Oh, okay," Antonio said sadly. "Thanks anyway. If you do see him, could you tell him I'm looking for him?"

Gilbert watched him walk in the opposite direction of the music building with a small amount of regret. He shouldn't have lied. It might not be a big issue. Then again, from the look on Lovino's face earlier, he might still be going through a lot. He might end up just waiting for Antonio to find him.

He found himself backtracking automatically towards the music building with no idea what he was planning to do. It was stupid no matter how he looked at it, but he couldn't stop himself. He came to the door to the men's room, a single occupancy restroom, pressed his ear against it to listen, and heard choked sobs from inside.

Had Gilbert been thinking straight, he might have assumed that the door was locked and not even tried it. However, there were no developed thoughts going through his mind then. He threw the door open without hesitation or question. Lovino, sitting on top of the toilet lid, thankfully decent, jumped and nearly fell to the cold tile floor. He stared at Gilbert with red, tear-flooded eyes. "What...the hell are you..?"

"Lovino! Are you okay? Here, have some tissue!"

Gilbert tried to grab the toilet paper and received a kick in the thigh.

"I can reach the toilet paper from here, you idiot," Lovino said, his voice strained and lacking any real malice.

He tore a bunch off himself and blew his nose into it. Gilbert's mind whirred to think of what to do now that he'd already gone this far. While clearing out the excess mucus, Lovino began to cry again. Gilbert bent down beside him, started to reach out to touch his shoulder, stopped in case he was about to get kicked again, and then decided to rest his hands on his own knees to balance himself.

"It's okay," he said, "just breathe slowly. In and out."

Lovino managed to groan in between sniffling and blowing and crying. "I can breathe by myself! Goddammit..."

Every word was met with a biting response or outright assault, and Gilbert felt at a loss. He didn't know if Lovino wanted him to go away, if that was the best thing to do, or if he just couldn't figure out how to comfort him right. He knew he couldn't leave Lovino alone, so he stayed to offer silent attention until Lovino calmed himself down enough to where he could ask, "What's wrong?"

He took a long breath. "Emma..."

After only getting that one word out, he hung his head. His shoulders tightened as the crying threatened to start again. Gilbert could guess what this meant. "She found out." **  
**

He nodded. "I noticed that she started acting differently, but...somehow I didn't fit the pieces together. She'd always been sweet and affectionate, but then it got to the point of being... _clingy_. She tried to be with me all the time, and she started asking questions that she never used to ask. When I finally said something about it, she said that I wasn't who she thought I was." He stared blankly at the floor for a long time, wiping at his tear stained cheeks. "Everything that's happened is my fault..."

Gilbert had always found shows of weakness to be fascinating. He didn't get off on other people's pain, but he did like to see and know what drove them to their lowest point and how they dealt with it. Maybe it was because he had trouble dealing with his own weaknesses, and maybe a part of him did enjoy that sense of empowerment. But seeing Lovino like this didn't impact him the same way these things normally did. This was maybe the first time that Lovino was being one hundred percent completely genuine with him, and he understood just how awful he must feel for him to get to that point.

"I can't be the guy that she wants or the guy that she deserves," he went on, "so...I'm going to break up with her."

Gilbert wouldn't have predicted that it would be Lovino to end things with Emma, but knowing that their relationship was more or less finished left him with a surge of confused emotions. Guilt, sadness, a strange sense of excitement. Overall, it didn't change anything between him and Lovino. If anything, it probably made Lovino feel worse about the whole thing, so Gilbert didn't get any personal satisfaction from them splitting up. Still, after everything, it felt like a necessary end to a chapter in both of their lives, full of regrets and mistakes that were bad enough to maybe lead to something good. One could hope. **  
**

"Hey. If it makes you feel any better—"

"Don't," Lovino stopped him. "Just...don't say anything. Please."

Gilbert bit his tongue. If Lovino didn't want him to talk, then all he could do was sit there, which made him feel awkward. He'd always been a little clumsy when it came to comforting others, but he'd never felt quite this helpless. **  
**

After a moment, Lovino sighed and pushed himself up to his feet with effort. "Antonio is probably wondering where I am."

"Uh..." Gilbert adverted his eyes with a bit of unease. "I saw him head towards the student center..."

He felt Lovino's stare linger on him and worried that he might be suspicious of his reaction, but then he spoke in a quiet voice saying, "I'm sorry. For...well, a lot of things."

Gilbert looked up in surprise. Lovino had never once apologized to him. Not when he'd been grumpy and rude, or when he'd punched and kicked him, or when he'd cussed him out to his face, or when he'd purposely flirted with Liz, or after any of the other numerous injuries and insults he'd inflicted on him. Thinking about it now, Gilbert wondered how he'd ever forgiven Lovino for all of those things. It was more likely that he'd been so caught up in the sex that he'd inadvertently forgotten about them. Despite being late, the apology was appreciated. **  
**

"Thanks?"

He'd meant it to sound more sincere than that. Lovino looked him over in that careful, calculating way that he did, and Gilbert hoped that he understood. Neither of them said another word, and Lovino decidedly walked out the door. Gilbert waited until he figured it was safe to leave without being forced to stare at his back while doing so. 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what! I actually got off my ass and knocked out a new freaking chapter! Yay!

Lily was enjoying lunch with a guy Gilbert had never seen before. He thoughtfully chewed a burger while studying their interaction from several tables away. She'd said that she didn't have a boyfriend, but that didn't mean that there was no competition. There were probably a lot of guys after her. A small, unassuming girl that cute was bound to attract a lot of attention. It gave him an urge to protect her. He planned to keep a lookout for any potential threats, starting with the disgruntled looking blond boy beside her.

He was a bit unsure of what else to do in this situation. It wasn't like him to act this way because of someone that he'd barely spoken to and knew nothing about. Even more ridiculous was that he would be staring across the cafeteria like a lovesick puppy just to look at her. He started to get the feeling that his behavior was bordering on creepy. He adverted his eyes downward and took another slow bite of his burger. He needed something to occupy his thoughts with, but everything he tried lately somehow seemed wrong.

"Gilbert!"

Antonio stopped beside his table with a typical grin on his face, Lovino practically invisible behind him. Gilbert didn't have to wonder whether or not the Italian wanted to be there, the look on his face was a clear _no_. He eyed the trays of food that both of them carried, really hoping that they weren't planning on sitting.

"I saw you over here by yourself. Do you mind if we sit with you?"

Fucking hell, Antonio was just going to keep on being a problem. Why did he have to be so obnoxiously _nice_? Gilbert tried to invent some kind of excuse. "Actually, I..."

Antonio sat before Gilbert could get the words out. Lovino stared at the other empty chair for quite a while before he also took it, and then he kept his head down and focused solely on the food in front of him.

"Oh look," Antonio said, elbowing Lovino and pointing him across the room to the row of registers at the end of the cafeteria line. The cluster of people was too dense to distinguish who or what exactly he was pointing at. "Isn't that the girl you were flirting with the other day? The red haired one with the ponytail?"

He barely glanced in the direction of Antonio's finger. "I don't remember."

Gilbert frowned. He wasn't surprised by these involuntary bursts of jealously anymore and simply did his best to ignore them. It didn't always work.

"So, how's your day been?" Antonio asked, now addressing Gilbert.

"Uh. Alright, I guess. I finished class, so I'm probably going to go home soon."

He looked back across the room at Lily. He'd been hoping to find a window where he could go talk to her, but that could always be put off for a later time or date. He didn't want to endure any more of this conversation than he had to.

Antonio didn't seem to realize the uncomfortable situation he'd created. He continued to smile and carry on. "Lovino told me that you moved into a new apartment recently."

Gilbert turned questioningly to Lovino, who was pretending that he wasn't aware of or bothered by his presence. The usual. "Yeah. I did. It's further away from the school, which is a pain in the ass, but it's alright. The place is called Clearpointe, and—"

"Clearpointe?" Lovino's attention snapped up suddenly.

"Isn't that where Feli lives?" Antonio asked.

"Feli?" Gilbert echoed. "Oh, you mean Feliciano?"

" _You've met my brother_?"

Lovino fumed with anger. Gilbert had seen this variety before. How someone so small could have such a wide array of intense and profound feelings bottled up inside him without exploding was beyond his ability to fathom. This particular brand involved a slight snarl, a shaky glare, and the distinct impression that he'd crossed some sort of line that he hadn't known existed. "I may have run into him a few times, yeah."

"Wow," Antonio laughed. "Small world."

"Yeah. Hilarious," Lovino said through clenched teeth. "Excuse me." He pushed his chair back from the table and stood. Leaving his things behind, he walked deliberately towards the food line, stepping behind the register of the red haired girl that Antonio had pointed out earlier. A young girl, probably a college student herself.

"Lovi is going through a rough time," Antonio said to excuse his behavior. "I don't know how much you heard, but he and Emma recently broke up."

Gilbert nodded. "I know a little bit about it."

"I was really surprised. I thought they were happy together." His expression softened as he began to reminisce. "Lovi was so in love with her in high school. He was very obvious about it, too. Everyone knew. Even Emma. She teased him about it mercilessly."

Gilbert tried very, very hard to appear standoffish as Antonio continued to tell him things he did not want to hear. This guy simply could not read the atmosphere. He glanced back to where Lovino had wandered off to, but he was taking his time talking to the girl at the register.

"They were all lovey dovey when they first started dating." Antonio breathed a sigh. "I really don't know what happened, but it makes me sad. I liked them together, and she was my friend too. Now everything's a little awkward."

"Is Lovino flirting with the girl at the register?" Gilbert asked.

"Oh, probably." He didn't bother to check.

Lovino was leaning over the counter, smiling up at the girl with the ponytail. She smiled back. It was forced, and he noticed. He stepped back and stuffed his hands in his pocket, remaining pleasant but with a greater sense of futility. Gilbert's brow furrowed.

All things considered, Lovino was born to be a playboy. He was a full-blooded Italian gifted with luxurious looks and a sexy accent. He could totally pull off the mysterious, aloof type when he wanted, and he wasn't afraid to be flirty when he spotted a pretty face. Gilbert would be the first to attest that he had the skills to seduce, and yet in spite of all that and everything that Gilbert had thought up till now, Lovino was _not_ a playboy.

Most of the time, he probably wasn't trying to be sexy. He just was. When he did try, it really showed, and not in a good way. The degree of _lonely and desperate_ that Gilbert had just witnessed left him with a hot flush of shame on Lovino's behalf.

Lovino reclaimed his seat with the same insouciance as if he'd just returned from a quick trip to the bathroom. Antonio pleasantly asked, "How'd it go?"

The corners of his mouth pressed down into a scowl. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"She shot him down," Gilbert said.

" _Who asked you_?"

"Gilbert. You know what we should do?" Antonio's smile transformed into something mischievous. Gilbert had a sense of what was coming, and he didn't like it. "We should find Lovino a new girlfriend!"

No. Absolutely not. Gilbert wanted no part of this. He didn't even want to be here listening to them _talk_ about it.

"I don't want a new girlfriend, dammit!"

Antonio offered a sad expression. "But you seem really lonely."

"I just got out of a relationship!"

"Yeah, he doesn't need to jump into a new relationship," Gilbert agreed. "What he needs is rebound sex."

"That..." Lovino looked at him directly for the first time since he and Antonio had sat down beside him, surprised by the suggestion.

Gilbert knew a thing or two about rebound sex, and he fully believed in it's ability to throw people into a pressure-cooker of emotion, cutting the recovery process after the end of a relationship down to a fraction. And knowing what he knew about Lovino and his sexuality, it was the best option to get him to move on. As for himself, he would rather see Lovino have a one time meaningless hook-up than to see him get seriously involved with someone else.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea," Lovino agreed. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "But how am I going to find someone to have rebound sex with?"

"Well, obviously you're going to have to go to a bar. That's the best place."

"I'm eighteen. How the hell am I supposed to even get into a bar?"

"You have a fake ID, don't you?"

He raised an eyebrow at Gilbert. "How did you know that?"

"You always had alcohol at your apartment, so I assumed you were getting it with a fake ID. I have one too from when I was in high school."

"Hmph." He gave a compliant shrug."Fine. Okay. I'll go to a bar."

"And we'll be your wingmen!" Antonio announced.

"Oh, no you won't. You two will just make me look like an idiot."

"You're going to make yourself look like an idiot if you don't get someone to help you," Gilbert said. "Just like you did with that lunch girl."

Lovino's face turned a bright red. He opened his mouth as if to retort, paused with a hanging jaw, and then slowly closed it again.

The other two continued eating, but Lovino didn't so much as touch his food. He stared off at nothing with a pensive gaze for quite a while. Then he got up, ignoring any question from Antonio, carried his tray over to a nearby trash can, and threw the rest of his lunch away, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and quietly leaving the cafeteria.   


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days?? What is this madness?!

The knocking grew increasingly loud and demanding as Gilbert refused to hurry in answering it. It really took him less than a minute to get from the kitchenette area to the door. If he'd known Lovino was going to push him back as soon as there was enough space to fit his arm through, he would have taken longer. The Italian quickly darted inside, slamming the door behind him. He shot Gilbert a look over his shoulder. "You're just lucky you live on a different floor than Feliciano. Let's hurry up and get out of here."

"Hello to you, too," Gilbert snarked.

Lovino took a few steps into the apartment, taking in the unfamiliar place with a quick sweep, and then turned back. "Where's Antonio?"

"He's not here yet."

He pulled out his phone and dialed, his foot tapping, noiseless but still impatient against the carpet. Gilbert couldn't help the frown that formed on his face. He remembered Ludwig and how infrequently he'd called him since moving away from home. He thought of how much he missed his little brother, and how invaluable their closeness was as they'd grown up together, and he had to ask, "What do you have against your brother?"

Lovino's brows scrunched in confusion. "What?"

"Why did you get so angry when I mentioned him? Why did you never tell me about him? Why are you so determined not to see him?"

The questions tumbled out of Gilbert's mouth all at once. He hardly took the time to process them. Slowly, Lovino moved the audibly ringing phone away from his ear, his free hand resting in a loose fist on his hip. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe my problem isn't with my brother?"

"Well? What is it then?"

"For god's sake, Gilbert." He laughed humorlessly, eyes rolling to the ceiling. "Do you really think I want my _very nosy little brother,_ who helps my _very Catholic father_ keep tabs on me, finding out about the _very male person_ I cheated on my girlfriend with? My family doesn't know I'm bisexual, and I don't want them to know, and just the thought of them even _meeting_ you makes me want to shoot myself. For now, at the very least, I can keep Feli from finding out that we know each other."

"Oh," Gilbert said. "About that."

His eyes flashed with a fire born from fear and rage, and he looked ready to inflict some severe bodily injury right until a voice came from his phone.

"Hello?" Antonio called out.

Lovino brought the phone back to his ear. "Where the hell are you? Did you forget we're going to sneak into a bar like a bunch of stupid, desperate high schoolers? No, yeah, that was today."

Gilbert couldn't clearly hear Antonio's response, but from the darkening look on Lovino's face he formed a few guesses as to what might have happened. Lovino hung up with a forceful tap against the screen and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

"Antonio forgot he doesn't have a fake ID and isn't old enough to get into a bar. He told us to go on without him. Fucking moron."

The room settled into an awkward silence. While they'd both agreed to go to a bar together at Antonio's insistence, they'd done so believing he'd be there to provide a safe buffer between them. Now, all prospective plans dashed, the two of them simply stood there like they were lost. Lovino shuffled his weight between his feet, glancing sideways towards the door, while Gilbert scratched the back of his head and struggled.

"Antonio...he's a little scatterbrained, isn't he?"

Lovino gave a flaccid shrug. "He's always been like that."

"Yeah." He retracted. "I guess you get used to it."

"I've known him my entire life. I've gotten used to a lot of things."

Gilbert had to deliberately prevent himself from snarling. " _Oh_."

He regretted that syllable as soon as he said it. No matter how small it was, it didn't go unnoticed. Lovino startled at the noise, then glared at him with a curt, "What?"

"What?"

" _'Oh'_ ," Lovino replied, exaggerating the acidity with which Gilbert had uttered the word. "What the fuck was with that reaction? You don't like Antonio?"

"No, that's not—"

"You don't even know him, asshole."

"Yeah, I know! I can't really like him or dislike him since I don't know him!"

"Then why did you go _'oh'_?"

He looked past Lovino's head, the pressure of his gaze making him sweat. "I guess I just feel weird about..."

"About what?"

"...The fact that you're still in love with him."

Lovino stopped, stare holding. His lips pursed and his brow furrowed in an assessing manner. He took his time before speaking. "I'm not still in love with him."

"What?"

"Gilbert," he said sternly, "Antonio is straight. I'm not going to waste my time pining for someone who can't possibly return my feelings. I just felt stupid and awkward after confessing to him, but we talked it out and decided we both still want to be friends. _Just_ friends."

Gilbert's first realization was that there was absolutely nothing in the way of him having Lovino all to himself now. But his heart quickly sank into the pit of his stomach, because that wasn't quite true. There was still a bit of residual damage to both of their emotional constitutions that they hadn't resolved yet, not least of which was Lovino's heartbreak over Emma. Any lingering hope that he might have of them being together was misguided and foolish.

"I, uh," he mumbled awkwardly, "guess I assumed..."

Lovino narrowed his eyes. "You've developed a really bad habit of assuming things about me."

"Well, it's not like you make a lot of sense. Or ever bother just _telling_ me anything."

A rare look of regret crossed Lovino's face. "I...guess it is a little my fault. I don't really know how to talk to you."

"Do you still feel guilty around me?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "Now that I'm not with Emma anymore, it's different. I feel like I should want to avoid you, but..."

Gilbert took special notice of the words " _should_ ", " _want_ ", and " _but_ " and, seeing how Lovino was mellowing, decided to take a chance on them. He pointed behind him towards the door. "Do you still want to go sneak into a bar like a bunch of stupid, desperate high schoolers? I still think it would help you get over everything."

His expression softened. He cocked his head and regarded Gilbert with a certain frailty. "You're really trying to help me, aren't you?"

"You sound surprised. I'm actually a pretty great guy when given the opportunity."

Lovino stared at the ground, thinking. His shoulders sagged with a heavy, invisible weight. "Everything's so shitty lately. I could stand to drink."

"And get laid."

"What?" He blinked a few times, turning slightly red. "Oh. Right. That too."

Gilbert nodded. "Alright then."

He opened the door and extended a hand out into the hallway, signaling for Lovino to take the lead, which he did, and then they were on their way.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a freaking roll with this story.
> 
> The other guys in this chapter are just random guys not meant to be based on Hetalia characters, but at the same time I kind of imagined the guy flirting with Lovino would be Turkey...do with that information what you will.

Lovino glared pointedly at the strings of twinkling, rainbow colored lights dangling overhead. His grip on that glass of Campari and soda was a shaky one. Gilbert leaned back in the red cushioned seat beside him, studying him with half amusement and half pity. "You've never been to a place like this before, have you?"

"No, Gilbert," he said tersely. "Believe it or not, I've never been to a gay bar before."

Gilbert had specifically searched for a local gay hangout place before they'd left his apartment. Lovino may not like that he made assumptions about him, but sometimes his assumptions were right, and he was pretty sure he was right about this one: that Lovino wasn't fully comfortable with being attracted to men, and that he desperately needed to come to terms with his sexuality if he was ever going to get over what happened with Emma. Things were off to a rocky start. Lovino refused to leave the bar and actually talk to someone.

"Don't think about it so much. It's just like a normal bar," he said encouragingly. "Except, you know, there are gonna be tons of guys trying to fuck you."

"Jesus Christ," Lovino hissed, bringing his drink up to his lips and tossing it back.

Gilbert chuckled.

Behind them was a fairly crowded dancefloor. A shiny disco ball hung from the ceiling and illuminated the dark, intimate atmosphere with spectral beams of light. Gilbert, while having no real knowledge of what one might traditionally refer to as " _dancing_ ", was not afraid to jump up there and move his body for all he was worth. He had a feeling that Lovino was going to be stuck to his seat for a while. He'd already tried to get him to show off the impressive moves that he _knew_ he was capable of, but no luck. So, while Lovino was being a spoilsport, he decided to have himself some fun.

"Well," he announced, clapping a hand on Lovino's back and making him flinch, "If you need me, I'll be over there having a good time."

Lovino's eyes shot wide open. "Wait, what? Where are you going?"

"I can't sit next to you all night. People are going to think we're together."

"Gilbert, you can't fucking—Gilbert! You can't just leave me! Get your ass back here! _Gilbert_!"

He weaved his way on through the room, heeding the call of the pulsing, bass-heavy club music that effectively drowned out all of Lovino's curses. Pressing against the edge of the throng, Gilbert searched till he found an opening big enough to squeeze himself through and stepped onto the dancefloor. He moved his body roughly to the rhythm, not really caring about precision or excellence. As long as he could feel the music flowing through him, he was dancing just as well as, if not better than anyone else there.

He felt someone's hands on his waist, and for a moment he actually believed Lovino had worked himself up to come dance with him. He was disappointed to see a face he didn't recognize smiling slyly back at him. He was a little perturbed at first that another man was touching him like this in a public place, till he remembered where he was. He hadn't mentioned this to Lovino, but this was his first time being in a gay bar as well.

What the hell. Gilbert wasn't seriously interested in anyone here, but he meant to enjoy himself, so why not grab a dance partner? He turned towards the man, a guy who was probably ten years older than him with short, jet black hair. His eyes roamed over Gilbert's body in an appraising manner. He moved in closer, more with his hips than with his feet. Gilbert held his arms above his head and danced as if it was competition and he had nothing to lose.

The other man opened his mouth like he was laughing, but Gilbert couldn't hear a sound above the pounding music. Suddenly, he slipped up behind Gilbert, his hands snaking across his body. The guy planted a kiss on the back of his neck. Gilbert jolted, the little hairs on his body standing on end.

This was becoming more intimate than he wanted it to. He started to inch away from the other man. He peered through the crowd for a way out to the bar and spotted Lovino, still in the same spot, but no longer by himself. A large man with a scruffy brown chin had taken over the stool next to him and was chatting amiably with him. Lovino remained straight-faced as he allowed the other man to lean into him and flirtatiously brush his hands where he liked. Lovino's arm, the bangs that fell over his eyes, his cheek.

Gilbert forgot where he was. Others began to bump into him while he stood there, dazed, obstructing the dancefloor. He apologized to the faceless people that passed him, struggling to keep Lovino and the other man in his sights. They had been so close to each other. They could have kissed, and Gilbert wouldn't even be able to tell. His chest twisted into a burning coil of jealous anger.

This had been _his_ stupid idea. _Why the hell had he suggested this?_ And why was he trying to pretend that he didn't care if Lovino was touching and kissing someone else just because there were no feelings involved?

He left the bar through the side door into an empty alleyway. It was growing dark and misty out, it smelled like rotting, wet garbage and cigarette smoke, and it felt like the scene of every movie where someone slumps against a cold brick wall and cries alone. The coil in his chest kept getting tighter.

Gilbert couldn't have Lovino. He had to accept that fact. He did believe that what he was doing would help Lovino, and he wanted to do that much for him. And one day, Lovino was going to move on, and he was going to find someone else and date them and be happy. And if Gilbert was at all able to desensitize himself gradually to Lovino showing his sweet side, his seductive side, and every other side of him to someone else, then it was just as well.

He felt the need to share and cement this moment, so he pulled out his phone and sent a text to his baby brother:

_Don't ever fall in love with an Italian man, because he will RUIN YOU._

When Gilbert went back inside, the first thing that he noticed was that Lovino was once again by himself. He made his way through the hazy room back to him, sliding into the chair at his side. "Hey," he said, "what happened to the guy you were with earlier?"

Lovino wouldn't even look at him. He stared towards the back of the bar with a sour expression, holding a refreshed drink just under his sneering lips. "I told him to fuck off."

He was greatly relieved, but didn't want it to show. He had to remember that he was here to help Lovino fully accept his sexuality and hook up with someone so he could get over Emma. He frowned admonishingly. "What did you do that for?"

"He wanted to top," Lovino said under his breath.

Gilbert stared in disbelief. "Are you serious? Is that it?"

"I don't want to bottom. I don't like the idea of someone holding me down and taking me like a woman."

"That's bullshit," he spat, feeling the need to defend his manhood. "That's a stupid gender role stereotype."

"You're a stupid gender role stereotype," Lovino muttered into his drink as he took a sip.

"Look, I'm gonna tell you right now, you may find that not a lot of guys here are going to approach you wanting _you_ to fuck _them_."

He swiveled around, looking a little surprised and a lot offended. "Why the hell not?"

"Well...what's the best way to say this?" Gilbert's eyes scanned from Lovino's head all the way down to his legs, then back up. "You're _really_ small."

"I am 5'5" and a half!"

"Awww," he drawled, unable to contain the grin steadily spreading across his face, "and a _half?_ "

"Fuck you, asshole!"

He chuckled. "I'm just saying, people are going to assume."

"Fine," he harrumphed. "Let's just get out of here. I'm tired anyway."

He jumped up ready to go, but then he stopped, downed the last of his drink with one fell swig, and then called to the bartender to ordered several more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked it up, and I found a lot of height headcanons for South Italy, but I couldn't find an official height? But Veneziano is about 5'8', and Romano is canonically shorter than his little brother. I wanted to make him around 5'6" so it would be a noticeable difference. Then, to make it funnier, I decided Romano would insist on that one half of an inch and I decreased his overall height. So, yeah, he's super tiny. But he's still sexy and will totally top the hell out of Gilbert.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously don't even know how I managed to finish and publish four chapters in such a short amount of time, this has never happened to me before.

"This night was entirely pointless," Lovino complained, his voice slurred and muffled.

He'd hit the bar pretty hard at the end and had started feeling it on the drive to his place. That combined with the hour at which they'd finally made it back resulted in Gilbert having to half drag a tipsy, sleepy Italian up to his apartment. He secured Lovino's arm over his shoulders and supported a good portion of his weight. He was a little winded from climbing the stairs, but aside from that small feat it wasn't difficult to help Lovino. He wasn't heavy, and Gilbert couldn't even complain about the stench of alcohol on his breath when Lovino was so openly clinging to him.

"Hey, you can't score every night," he said to try to put Lovino in a brighter mood. "We'll try again some other time."

"No more gay bars. I don't want to chat up any more guys."

Gilbert propped Lovino against the wall just outside his door to find the spare key that he still kept under that stupid gray plastic rock—a slightly better hiding place now that it was night, only by the fact that everything was veiled in darkness and the color of the plastic kind of matched the color of the concrete walkway. He kicked around till he found the rock, then fiddled with unlocking the door. "I'm sure you'll find someone who's a little more dynamic than that other guy."

He shook his drooping head lazily. "I'm sick of guys. I can't talk to them."

Gilbert hoped the shadows would hide the frown on his face. He was almost offended by Lovino's show of utter disinterest in men, though it wasn't like he was rejecting him personally. The feeling was pointless, and he didn't feel like pushing the matter. It was late. He was tired and emotionally worn out, and he just wanted to get Lovino to bed and go back home.

"Fine. I'll help you find a girl."

Lovino groaned. "I don't want that either."

They managed to make it inside and fumble their way to the couch. Gilbert dropped Lovino onto the cushions and took a seat beside him to rest. "Jesus," he sighed, "you either drank more than you said you did, or you just wanted to get me to carry you. You were hardly even walking up those stairs. You're lucky I'm so strong."

"Gilbert, do you like me?"

Lovino slumped over on his side with his head resting on the arm of the couch. His bangs fell in wisps over his face, but he was clearly watching and waiting for his answer. Gilbert considered his response carefully.

"Course I do. I wouldn't be doing all this if I didn't."

His eyes fell to the floor. "I don't really like me."

"Hey, come on. You're just saying that cause you drank too much."

"No." He shook his head furiously, his trembling lips pressing into a thin line. "No, I'm not a nice person. I'm not like Feli, or Antonio. Or you."

Gilbert swallowed hard and forced a chuckle. "Heh. Well, not everyone can be as awesome as me."

" _Tch_."

Lovino rolled his eyes, or tried to as they fluttered closed. Gilbert released a slow breath, thinking he was going to fall asleep on the spot and now was the time to leave. He took one last look at Lovino to reassure himself that he would be fine for the remainder of the night, and then he turned towards the door.

"Gilbert," a half command, half whine came before he'd finished taking a step. Lovino bounced only a small height from the couch and managed to wrap his arms around Gilbert's waist before landing back in his seat, dragging Gilbert down with him.

"Lovino!" Gilbert protested, falling in a position that was part on the couch, part on Lovino, and part spilling over onto the floor.

He struggled to break free of Lovino's grasp. Lovino locked his arms securely and refused to release him. His head rested against Gilbert's side, his face half buried in the fabric of Gilbert's t-shirt. The other visible half bore an intoxicated blush.

"Don't go."

Gilbert couldn't leave now, couldn't bring himself to tear away from Lovino's hold. He couldn't even think over the voice in his head screaming, _SO CUTE SO CUTE HE'S SO CUTE_.

He resigned himself to a comfortable position after bringing his legs onto the couch. He ran a gentle hand through Lovino's hair, pushing his silky bangs out of his face. His fingers wrapped around the stray curl. Lovino gasped and pushed his hips against the couch, squeezing Gilbert's waist tighter. Gilbert's heart caught in his throat.

He jerked his hand back as his cheeks began to burn. Whatever had just happened, he wasn't sure what or why, it felt wrong to continue. As badly as he wanted to hear Lovino gasp like that again, he couldn't do it like this. He couldn't ruin everything all over again. Lovino's breathing calmed down and he relaxed against Gilbert, who closed his eyes and relished this warmth and closeness while it lasted.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel a little like there's not enough porn in this story for it to truly be considered "Porn With Plot". It's more like "Plot With Occasional Porn", or "What Was Supposed To Be Porn With Plot With A Plot That Kind of Ran Away With Me".
> 
> I don't know why this chapter was so hard to write, and I don't even know why I'm still unhappy with it, but here you go.

Gilbert hardly slept. They'd adjusted their position in the middle of the night to be more comfortable and now Lovino was on top of him, his head resting on Gilbert's chest. His hands were by his face, his slender fingers slightly curled into loose fists. His body rose and fell gently with his slow, even breaths. Gilbert spent most of the night fighting an awkward boner and praying that he didn't have to move and risk waking Lovino. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

A relationship built on selfishness, secrecy, and lies wasn't really a relationship at all. Gilbert and Lovino were just two people trying to stick to their own paths who kept finding themselves standing next to each other. On the one hand, it kind of made Gilbert want to believe in fate. On the other hand, fate had to be doing a really lousy job, because Gilbert knew as soon as Lovino woke up they were just going to go back to how things were.

His phone buzzed in his pocket for the second time in the past couple of hours. He placed a hand on Lovino's back to hold him still as he carefully pulled it out. He checked his messages to find that Ludwig had sent him two separate texts:

_...What?_

And, _Do I even want to know?_

Lovino stirred, lifting his head, blinking his sleep-filled eyes, and then it was already over. He looked down at Gilbert, embarrassment blooming in his face as the drowsiness wore off and he processed their current position. He jumped up and scooted to the other end of the couch. Gilbert followed suit, moving to the opposite end.

"Sorry," Lovino muttered.

"For what?"

"Last night. I know it was probably a pain in the ass to drag me back to my apartment, and then to have to sleep on the couch like that."

Gilbert couldn't say he had much to complain about in regards to either of those things, but he did quietly marvel at how docile Lovino was this morning. There was no snark or anger coming from him. He simply stared down and thought.

"Antonio seems to like you," he said after a long pause. "He thinks we should hang out with you more often. I'm pretty sure he's determined to be friends with you."

"Really?" That was weird. No one had ever gone out of their way to befriend him before. "I mean, I'm not surprised. Why _wouldn't_ he like me?"

He realized a moment later that this meant more trouble, and that it was probably his fault. Antonio knew nothing about their relationship except that Gilbert had said they were friends, and now they were going to have to either pretend that that was true, or they were looking at a very awkward explanation. Or...

"Lovino, I understand if you don't want to see me around. It won't be hard for me to avoid Antonio and Feli. If it's just orchestra we should be fine. We're used to ignoring each other during practice. So, it's fine."

His eyes turned up at Gilbert with a harrowed stare. "Why would you do that?"

"Is that what you want?"

"No, that's not what I want!"

Well, Gilbert didn't have a _lot_ of ideas on how to handle this anymore, so he asked, "What _do_ you want?"

"I don't know!" Lovino shouted. "That's the whole damn point! I'm confused!"

"About what?"

He groaned. "If I wanted to tell you...if I even knew how to _say_ it, I would have already done it!"

This was helping nothing, and Gilbert was losing his patience. If Lovino still didn’t want to talk to him, he had to wonder why he even bothered. "Fine," he grumbled. "Don't tell me."

"Don't get angry!"

" _You're_ the one who's getting angry!"

"I'm not angry, I'm frustrated!"

"Why are you still yelling at me?!"

Lovino's mouth clamped shut in begrudging compliance. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and then he said, “Lately…I feel like all I’m doing is pretending. I don’t want to do that anymore. So, the last thing I want to do is continue pretending to be your friend.”

Gilbert felt his words hit him like a slap in the face, but he didn’t stop there.

“Since you keep infiltrating my life by getting to the people closest to me,” Lovino said with only a hint of bitterness, “I don’t really see any way around it. There's still a little guilt. And there's questions that I can't answer right now. And there's a lot of other things, too. But…I can deal with that. Antonio and Feli get attached to people pretty quickly, and they wouldn't change their minds no matter what I said anyway.”

“Wait. So…you’re fine with this? Me being friends with Antonio and Feli?”

Lovino nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Gilbert hadn’t realized until that very moment how desperately he wanted Lovino to open up to him and show him more than just the sour face of a guy struggling to hold everyone and everything back at a safe distance. He felt his heart kickstart to life. This could actually be happening. Lovino could actually be accepting him.

Lovino sat back a little, startled. “You’re making a weird face.”

He covered his mouth, which he realized had stretched into a ridiculous smile. Lovino skirted past the distraction, holding up a hand to him.

“Just to let you know,” he said, “before you go jumping to conclusions again, I know there are a lot of things about me that aren’t exactly admirable qualities. But I don't want you to feel like you have to put up with me, and I’m not looking for anyone to change me, or save me, because that's not going to work. I'll solve my own damn problems. That includes but is not limited to anything having to do with Emma."

Gilbert forced his smile down to a small smirk. He wondered if Lovino knew how similar they were, in so many unproductive ways. Not wanting to talk about feelings, being too stubborn and prideful to accept well-meaning support. Well, he wasn’t deterred. Those who didn’t help others just because those people didn’t want help were clearly unmotivated and not creative enough to think of the right way to go about it. Besides, what else were friends of friends who were (with a generous amount of luck and skill) on their way to a better, closer relationship themselves for?

Yeah. Fuck fate.

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! Yes!! Let's finish this story! Only nine chapters to go after this one!

In the days that followed, Gilbert thought a lot about his relationship with Lovino. All the way from its fucked up beginnings to where they both stood now. Looking at the progression as a whole gave him a more optimistic outlook on things. He only wished that Lovino was more than just a passive participant.

Lovino generally gave the impression that he didn’t want to be around Gilbert. After Gilbert and Antonio became acquainted, it felt as if Lovino was only there because Antonio dragged him along. The day that Lovino willingly approached him as he was on his way to class was the first time Gilbert thought that Lovino might be serious when he said that he didn’t dislike him. He popped out seemingly from nowhere and walked beside Gilbert as if he’d always been there. The shock of it sent Gilbert’s heart racing, even more than Lovino’s presence normally did.

“I want to ask you something,” Lovino said immediately as he matched Gilbert’s pace. “Because...well...you’re the only person I can think to ask.”

“What is it?”

“What was your coming out like?”

“Oh.” Gilbert stared down the hallway. “Um…”

Now that he thought about it, he never had a traditional coming out. The only person he’d ever communicated the other part of his sexuality to was Ludwig, and that was only by bragging about his various sexual escapades, whether real or fantasized, in excessive detail. It had been funny, back in their early days of high school. Ludwig was easy to embarrass.

“I’m thinking of telling Feli,” Lovino said.

“Do you think he’ll mind?”

He shook his head slightly. “He’s not really the one I’m worried about. As long as I feel confident that he won’t tell the rest of our family, he shouldn’t be a problem. This is kind of my way of easing myself into it.”

“How do you think the rest of your family will take it?”

His lips pursed together in a firm line. “I imagine they’ll react one of two ways. They’ll either disown me, or they’ll bombard me with uncomfortably descriptive sex tips.”

Gilbert grimaced at the thought.

They stopped in front of his first classroom where students were slowly filing in for World History. “You know your brother better than I do. No matter how you tell him, I’m sure it won’t change your relationship as much as you think it will.”

Lovino frowned. Clearly, that wasn’t the advice he was looking for.

Gilbert scratched the back of his head. “I know it’s not that helpful, but there’s not much more I can tell you. Why did you change your mind about wanting your family to know you’re bisexual, anyway?”

“I already told you the other day,” Lovino said. “I got tired of pretending.”

Lily passed by just in front of them, gracefully turning her head to smile at them. “Hi, Gilbert.” She looked to Lovino and gave a small wave. “Hi.”

“Hello,” Lovino greeted with his most charming smile. With Lily, it was twice as annoying.

“Hey,” Gilbert snapped. “Lover boy.”

Lovino narrowed his eyes at him. “What?”

“I’ll see you in class,” she said. She side-stepped towards the door nervously before scuttling inside.

Gilbert was reminded that Lovino could be surprisingly keen when he wanted to be as his olive green eyes followed Lily. After a calculating moment, they came back to rest on Gilbert. “You like her, don’t you?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe.”

“Isn’t she a little young for you?”

“I don’t know how old she is,” he admitted.

He peered into the classroom again for a second look. “Probably twelve.”

“You were _just_ flirting with her.”

“I said hello, that’s not flirting. Plus, I’m younger than you.”

“By, like, a year!”

Lovino stared down, deep in thought.

“What is it?”

He looked up, blinking, opened his mouth as though he was on the verge of telling him, until he shook his head and waved him off with a harsh, “Nothing. Hurry up and go to class.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lovino wasted no time once he set his mind on something, and Gilbert didn’t have to wait long to learn the results of his coming out to his brother. He had just gotten home from school when Feli showed up at his door practically in tears.

“To think that he went this long without telling me!” Feli sobbed into the glass of water that Gilbert had set before him. He wasn't sure what you were supposed to give someone when they were crying. “I mean, he always did try to be really macho, like he was overcompensating for something, but I had no idea!” He sniffled and looked up at Gilbert with red, wet eyes. “Did you know about this?”

“Um,” Gilbert mumbled. “Nope. No idea.” He took a sip of his own water.

The good news was that Feli was much more distraught over the fact that Lovino had never said anything about being not-straight than he was about Lovino’s not-straightness. “I’m his _brother_ ,” he said. “Family should talk about things!”

That wasn’t how family worked in Gilbert’s experience, but he could understand the frustration. “What the hell ever made him so damn difficult?"

Feli’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s like you said. He doesn’t tell me things, but, of course, if I get something wrong or have no idea what he’s thinking he gets mad! I don’t get it.”

"Oh,” he said, nodding with understanding. “To be honest, Lovino's always been like this. I’m not surprised that he never said anything. I just wish he felt like he could come to me sooner. But, that’s how he is."

“What would make him feel like he could be honest with me?”

Feliciano smiled. "Maybe you just need to keep asking questions. Show that you actually want to know what's going on without him having to make a big deal about it. That’s how I usually get him to open up. You just kind of have to get used to not pushing him too hard, but just enough to make him feel like you care."

Gilbert laid his head down on the table with a sigh. As much as he wanted to be close to Lovino, he wasn’t used to putting all this effort into one person. Just hearing Feliciano talk about it was exhausting. "This is a lot of work."

"You're doing good so far, though. Lovino likes you a lot."

Gilbert’s head perked back up. "Did he tell you that?"

"Yeah. We talked about you," he answered brightly. "Oh. Wait. I probably wasn't supposed to tell you that."

Just the other day, Lovino wanted to ensure that his brother was unaware that they knew each other. Now, Lovino was saying positive things about him? It was too incredible. He nearly leapt across the table to grab Feli’s arm. "What did he say about me?!"

"I-It really wasn't that important!" he said, struggling against him. "Lovino might get mad if I tell you!"

"Feli, you gotta tell me!"

"I can't! Forget I said anything! I don't know what I'm talking about!"

" _Feliiii!_ "

He wrestled himself free of Gilbert’s grasp. His cute face was twisted into a pout and his eyes darted around uncertainly before he spoke. "I can't tell you exactly what he said. But I will tell you something about him that I've noticed over the years.” He looked at the door as if he expected someone to be hiding behind it, eavesdropping. “Despite everything he says about how much he hates relationships and thinks the idea of love is stupid, he always falls in love with anyone who's nice to him."


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have perfectly valid reasons as to why this took so long that involve me having to move away from a toxic environment and into a friend's home, but you guys don't want to hear about that, so I'll just give you the chapter.

“Chuck Norris wins by default.”

Gilbert snorted. “Bullshit. Bin Laden is a ghost, he can’t be harmed.”

“But this is _Chuck Norris_ ,” Antonio said. “Also, he’s piloting a Gundam. What can a ghost do against that?”

“But the ghost of Bin Laden wants to be the very best like no one ever was! He’s _motivated_.”

Gilbert had expected to spend a thoughtful day alone in his apartment until Lovino, Feli, and Antonio had dropped by. Running into Feli and spending a little time over in each other’s apartments on occasion was a normal occurrence at this point, but all three of them showing up at his door was a surprise. Now they all sat around the living room floor playing a card game that Gilbert had never heard of, and it was like it was the most natural thing in the world. After he and Antonio playfully argued back and forth, a democratic vote decided the winner.

“I’m gonna have to vote for the ghost of Bin Laden,” Lovino said. “There’s not much you can do to kill someone who’s already dead.”

Gilbert beamed at him. “Of course you agree with me. I’m the best at arguing!”

“I can’t lose! I have a Chuck Norris that can ejaculate fire!”

“I’ll vote for you, Antonio,” Feli said. “I’ll support the underdog.”

“That’s not how you play the game, dammit!” Lovino shouted.

“Oh, but now it’s a tie. How do we break a tie?”

“I win!” Gilbert said. “Lovino’s vote trumps Feli’s! No offense, Feli.”

“Why does Lovino’s vote trump mine?”

“Uh, because I met him first, of course! That’s why.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Lovino shot him a disapproving look. “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

He leaned towards him, a sly grin spreading across his face. “I beg to differ.”

“Why are you getting so close to me?! You creep!”

Gilbert laughed off the fist that drove into his shoulder, enjoying the way Lovino’s face flushed a brilliant shade of red. Lovino had claimed that he didn’t even want to come over to his apartment in the first place, but Gilbert was starting to doubt that every time he struggled to hide the way the corners of his mouth tried to turn up in a smile.

“It’s been a while since I had to entertain company, but don’t worry. That just means that you guys get to experience all my pent-up hospitality,” Gilbert said.

“Good. You still need to make up for all those times I let you bum off me when you fought with Liz. You can start by handing over all your food.”

“Kitchen’s that way.” He pointed over his shoulder, and Lovino hopped to his feet to get a head start.

After some more discussion, they agreed that, ignoring any other attributes, a ghost would be impossible to kill, and that it wasn’t worth dragging the argument out further. They collected the cards that Gilbert and Antonio had played and tossed them into the discard pile, readying their hands for another round.

“Lovino is in such a good mood today. I thought he might like it if we all hung out together,” Feli said with a self-satisfied smile as he thumbed through his new cards.

So, it wasn’t just Gilbert’s imagination. Lovino was in a good mood. After all this time, he felt like he could finally be confident in reading and understanding the subtle distinctions in his moods. Of course, that was in part due to what Feliciano had told him the other day.

He still hadn’t decided what to do with the knowledge that Lovino might be falling in love with him.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. Laying his cards face down, he got to his feet and went to join Lovino in the kitchen.

Lovino stood in front of the open fridge and searched the sparsely stocked shelves for something that caught his eye. Gilbert took careful steps towards him. With his back toward him and no one else in the room, Gilbert’s eyes started where the ends of Lovino’s hair curled around the nape of his neck and traveled down his shoulders. Every time he looked at him, he had this powerful urge to wrap his arms around him and not let go.

He stopped behind Lovino and held the fridge door for him. When the door moved and its various contents jostled, Lovino jumped with a squeak, whirling around and smacking Gilbert in the stomach.

“Don’t sneak up behind me like that!”

“I just…came to see if you needed help finding anything,” Gilbert croaked, bent over and hugging his middle.

They sliced a couple of apples that were in Gilbert’s fridge to spread on a plate. Gilbert suggested other things that they could eat, but Lovino wouldn’t hear it. “Most of the food you keep in your apartment is junk. You should eat healthier.”

“Hey, I don’t just eat chips and peanut butter sandwiches all the time, you know. I also go out to eat a lot.”

“That’s not good either. You need to eat homecooked food.”

“Who’s gonna cook for me?” Gilbert paused a moment, wondering if he had anything to lose in case he was about to push his luck here. “You?”

“I can’t cook for you every fucking day, but I can teach you how to cook for yourself.”

“Pfft, I know how to cook. I’m a great cook!”

Lovino frowned. “Fine. If you don’t want my help—”

“No, wait,” he stammered. “That’s fine, you can teach me.”

The edges of Lovino’s mouth crinkled upwards and he looked away.

They carried the plate of apple slices back into the living room where the four of them ate and played, completely losing track of time in the process. When Feli rubbed his eyes with a yawn and checked the time was when they realized that it was already nearing midnight.

Lovino placed his hands behind him and leaned. “I don’t feel like driving back to my place.” He poked Feli’s arm. “I’m taking your bed.”

“Where am I going to sleep?”

“I don’t care.”

“ _Nooo_ , _Lovino_ ,” Feliciano cried.

“There’s so much room in here!” Antonio said, looking around Gilbert’s bare apartment as if he was only seeing it for the first time. “You could build a huge blanket fort!”

They ended up doing exactly that.

With all the chairs in the apartment, plus pillows and blankets from both Gilbert’s and Feli’s, they constructed a blanket fort that took up much of Gilbert’s living room area. They tossed the spare blankets and pillows inside the fort haphazardly, where there was room for all four of them if they didn’t mind being a bit cramped.

"Lovi! Sleep next to me!" Antonio exclaimed, wrapping his arms around him and sending him into a frenzy of writhing and shouting.

"Let me go!"

"You're so cuddleable!"

"You're going to suffocate me, you son of bitch!"

He broke free, grabbed a pillow from the scattered pile, and claimed his spot by slamming that pillow on the ground and falling back on it with a _thunk_.

"Lovi, come back!" Antonio whined.

“Go to sleep already!”

The four of them settled into the bundle of blankets. Antonio and Feliciano muttered back and forth for a few minutes until Lovino shut them up with a pillow aimed at their heads. When he laid back down, his hand came down to rest on Gilbert’s.

Gilbert’s breath caught. He knew it had been an accident, and he pulled away before Lovino had time to react with screams and threats of violence. It was impossible to tell, but he thought for a second that Lovino’s hand inched forward to reach out for his just as he drew it back.


	34. Chapter 34

The rental tuxedos issued by the music department were uncomfortable and stiff. The cheap fabric would be hot as hell once the orchestra was packed together under those bright stage lights. Even so, Gilbert didn’t get many opportunities to wear a tux, which was a shame. He looked damn good right now. He felt good, too. He’d been riding a high all week. He knew why, but he wasn’t willing to acknowledge it outright, in case he jinxed himself.

People were still lining up at the door to the performance hall. Gilbert paced around the lobby to distract himself from pre-show jitters, mostly hovering around the tables lined with programs and refreshments for the audience. His throat felt dry as show time grew near and he snuck a drink from the refreshment table. He nearly spilled red punch all over himself when he saw Emma, dressed in a classy blue cocktail dress he couldn't remember seeing before, come out of the performance hall and stride towards him.

“Gilbert, hi.” She didn’t seem particularly surprised or pleased to see him, but she kept a plastic smile on her face.

“Hey. Wow. Uh, you look…good.” She looked gorgeous, and he found himself wondering why Lovino ever neglected her for him. “What are you doing here?”

“Liz asked me to come with her and her boyfriend.”

As unsurprised as he was at the news, it was still upsetting to hear someone else being called Liz’s boyfriend.

“Where are they?” he asked.

“They’re already inside. I just came to get some programs.” She picked up three programs from the table. Gilbert waited for her to head off, more than ready for this awkward situation to end, but she hesitated, eyes downcast. “Is…Lovino around?”

“Do you want to see him?”

“...I don’t know.”

He imagined Lovino would run straight out of the building if he spotted her, so it wouldn’t even matter. Lovino was even less equipped to deal with uncomfortable emotions than Gilbert, and that was saying something.

"Was it me?" she asked in a quiet voice. She was losing confidence. "Was I not good enough?”

“If you asked him, I’m sure he’d tell you that he wasn’t good enough for you.”

She flushed modestly, and her mouth turned up in a small, crooked smile that felt a little less stiff than before. There wasn’t much else they had to say to each other. As she turned to leave, she waved and said, “Break a leg.”

The performance hall was nearly full. Gilbert returned backstage to wait for the conductor’s instructions. Lovino was there, standing between the curtain and the proscenium arch, looking out into the audience. If Gilbert looked damn good in a tuxedo, Lovino looked like sex on legs. Gilbert didn’t know how he managed to fill out the sad little suit so perfectly, but he was appreciative.

“Did you see them?” Lovino asked as Gilbert approached.

“I saw Emma.”

Lovino’s face was pale and taut, as if the stress of the situation was making him physically ill.

“She probably feels just as bad about everything as you do,” Gilbert said. “I don’t know. But she sure as hell isn’t mad at you. I don't think she's capable of being mad at you.”

Lovino continued to stare out into house. “Is that the same guy Liz cheated with?”

Gilbert had never met Roderich, but from what he knew about him, he didn’t have to guess that the pompous, four-eyed jerk that had Liz hanging off his arm was him He snuffed the hot, bitter feeling that started to build in his stomach.

“You okay?” Lovino asked.

“Yeah.”

He scowled. “How can they still be together?”

Gilbert shrugged. “They like each other? I don’t know. I guess they’d have to like each other.”

“But doesn’t that seem fucked up to you? She not only stays with him, but they show up _here_?”

“I mean, yeah, I’m not _enjoying_ this, but we’re not each other’s problem any more. She doesn’t have to care about my opinion, and I don’t have to care about hers. And if she’s still with him, then I guess that means she’s happy with him.”

Lovino pursed his lips tightly.

“Just because we were shitty in the past doesn’t mean we’re irredeemably shitty people. She’s allowed to be happy.”

“What about us?”

Gilbert’s heart soared at the thought of what that might mean.

“Do you really think we could find girls who would trust us if they found out that we cheated on our exes?”

And just like that, Lovino shot his hopes out of the sky without even flinching.

He couldn’t possibly be ignorant to Gilbert’s feelings at this point. Why the hell was he pretending? Didn’t he feel something too? Being hesitant was one thing, but if Lovino thought that he could continue to toy with him, then they were going to have some words.

Maybe Gilbert was wrong, and he was the only one stupid enough to think something worthwhile might come out of all this. He liked Lovino, and the nicer he was to him the more he liked him, and the more he liked him the more he felt stuck.

He raked his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know if you’re doing this on purpose, Lovino, but you’re driving me crazy.”

Lovino stared at him for some time without saying a word, like he was having difficulty deciding something. He leaned against the wall and released a slow, beleaguered sigh. "It's just...I never really bought into relationships. The closest I came to a good one was with Emma. I wanted to be the perfect boyfriend for her." He shook his head, half-heartedly laughing at himself. "I wouldn't do all that again. Maybe if the mood strikes me to be romantic, but mostly I just want a relationship where I'm not expected to go out and buy flowers and little gifts all the time, and be waiting at the door when they get home to listen to them talk about their day, and text stupid cheesy messages and all that crap. I want to be able to be myself."

"You know, you can't be in a relationship where you just take all the time and don't give anything back. I know, because that's how my relationship was with Liz."

"I know that," Lovino said. "But I don't want to be the one who gets taken from, either."

“Well…there’s got to be a middle ground somewhere.” It hit Gilbert suddenly that this was a perfect opportunity. The way their relationship had been going recently, the fact that they were talking about this, everything seemed to be setting him up. “Lovino, I have feelings for you.”

“I know you do.”

Well. That wasn’t quite what he’d expected.

“Is that it?”

“No. But…”

Lovino looked over his shoulder to the stage. Their conductor had just walked out to greet the audience, and he would soon give them the signal. Lovino gave him a brief parting glance before going to line up with the other violinists.

Gilbert cursed inwardly and found his place near the back of the line.

They went on stage and took their seats. The conductor continued talking for a moment as the orchestra checked the tuning of their instruments one last time, and then they played.

It was hard to describe the reason that Gilbert enjoyed orchestra. It wasn’t just the stage and the crowd. So many people in one place performing dulcet parts of one song channeled and magnified a powerful emotion that made it so easy to lose yourself. To absorb the sound and energy and let it flood your chest and reverberate throughout the rest of your body and out through your fingertips. It was one of the best feelings in the world. Gilbert couldn't help looking towards Lovino and wondering if he felt that too.   

Once the concert was over and the applause was ringing through the auditorium, Gilbert’s performance high was at such a peak that he felt unstoppable. He wasn’t going to waste it.

The orchestra dispersed backstage, and Lovino was in the wings packing up his violin. He looked up as Gilbert rushed up to him. His face flushed and glowing after the performance. Gilbert felt himself shaking, he was about to explode with energy.

“Lovino, I really like you.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “You said that already.”

“And I’m pretty sure you like me.”

“Gilbert—”

“And if you go on a date with me, just once, I’m gonna show you—"

“Gilbert—”

“You’re wrong. If you think we don’t deserve to move past this, then—"

“Okay.”

Gilbert stopped. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

Lovino gave a genuine smile that threw Gilbert off balance. He grasped at the fragments of everything he’d planned to say—he’d prepared a whole freaking speech—and now wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to continue. While Gilbert’s mind was still processing, Lovino picked up his violin case.

“I’ll see you,” he said, and then left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That feeling when slow-burn finally pays off.
> 
> (Is this slow burn if they already had sex? I'm gonna still count it.)


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prumano date! Prumano date! Prumano date! Prumano date!

Antonio and Feli cornered Gilbert the moment he stepped into the apartment, bearing smiles that were far too impish to be friendly. Their efforts to intimidate him were nice and all, showed that they cared greatly for Lovino, but Gilbert had been wound up long before coming here and was too jittery to absorb much outside interference. Plus, he was already convinced that if there was anyone he had to fear in the instance that he hurt Lovino, it was Lovino.

“He’s fragile, so don’t do anything to upset him. And make sure you listen to what he says,” Antonio warned. “He’ll definitely complain about you if you don’t, and then we’ll have to take matters into our own hands.”

Feli nodded along as Antonio talked like a caricature of every overprotective suburban dad from every cheesy sitcom ever. Lovino came out of his room just in time, looking as if he’d spent a full hour on his hair alone. It shined with some sort of product, combed until every strand fell perfectly. He crossed his arms and smirked. “What’s with this half-assed attempt at protecting me? He’s not even breaking a sweat.”

Gilbert jumped up from his seat. “You ready to go? Let’s go.”

“What’s the rush?”

His eyes twinkled with amusement. Gilbert huffed, his face growing hot, and grabbed Lovino’s hand to drag him toward the door. Antonio and Feli laughed and waved goodbye, the latter calling after them, “Bye! Have fun! Remember to leave room for Jesus!”

They had made plans to go to a restaurant, a place not too fancy and not too far away. They weren’t trying to jump into anything too big or different or inconvenient. Once it was just the two of them standing out in the hall, though, Lovino’s smirk vanished. His eyes darkened, turning to the floor. He seemed smaller than he had just a few moments before.

“Are you nervous?” Gilbert asked. Based on the way Lovino flinched at the question, that would be a yes. At least Gilbert wasn’t the only one. “What are you thinking about?”

His brow furrowed. “I’m thinking... ‘What the hell am I even doing? The only reason he likes you is because you had sex with him, you idiot.’”

“That’s not true. And it doesn’t sound like you have a very high opinion of me if you think that.”

“Then why?” His face reddened. “Why do you like me?”

Gilbert didn’t know how to explain something as irrational and abstract as feelings in any way that would satisfy him. “I just do?”

“Did you start to like me before or after we started sleeping together?”

“Well, after. But that’s not the point.”

Lovino’s eyes shot open in alarm. Their date hadn’t even _started_ yet, how could Gilbert already be doing so badly?

“I didn’t ask you out so I could just get you in bed again. You already agreed to go on a date with me, and we’re already here, so there’s no sense in backing out now, right?”

_Right?!_

He took a second to consider. The longest second of Gilbert’s life. Finally, in a calm voice that suggested that if he didn’t believe Gilbert, he was at least giving him the benefit of the doubt, he said, “Okay.”

They took Gilbert’s car to a basic family restaurant. The atmosphere wasn’t romantic, and it was unlikely that anyone who saw them would think that they were on a date. That was probably best.

Lovino had never been on a date with a guy before, and neither had Gilbert, but there wasn’t much that needed to be figured out. Whoever was in front held the door. They walked beside each other, but there was no handholding, or much physical contact of any sort. They would probably end up splitting the bill. It wasn’t complicated, and it wasn’t important.

They sat across from each other at a booth, Lovino immediately taking to his menu. Gilbert tapped his fingertips on the table in a rhythm. “So,” he said. “Tell me about your family.”

Lovino looked up. “Are we really doing this? Are you gonna ask me standard first date questions as if we haven’t known each other—pretty intimately, mind you—for months?”

“We’ve _known_ each other, but I feel like I don’t know all that much _about_ you. Not to worry.” He put a finger to his temple. “I have a mental dossier.”

Lovino snorted, hand covering his mouth but still allowing a glimpse of that rare smile of his. “You have a dossier on me?”

“Are you impressed?”

“I’m just surprised that you know what a dossier is.”

He shrugged. “Well, you know. I want to know everything that Antonio and Feli know about you, and what they don't know too.”

“That’s, uh…” Lovino stammered. “I guess…then…what do you want to know?”

“What kind of stuff do you like?”

He waffled. “Lots of stuff.”

“I mean, aside from, like, Italian food and music and dancing and being super critical of every movie that isn’t bloated with mindless, overblown action.”

“The Fast and the Furious movies are good fucking movies, dammit.”

“You’re not nearly as vocal about the things you like as you are about the things you don’t like,” Gilbert said teasingly. “I know more about what you hate. Like, I will never forget about your absurd hatred for potatoes after that one conversation.”

Lovino’s eyes darted to the side. “I…don’t hate potatoes.”

“No, you said you hated them. I definitely remember that.”

“I said I didn’t like them, and I only did that to piss you off.”

“What?” Gilbert asked. “Why?”

He drew a long sigh. “You wouldn’t shut up about fucking potatoes and how good and nutritious they are, and I already resented the fact that I thought you were even a little hot, so I went out of my way to piss you off.” He shrugged it off as if to say, “I’m an asshole, what do you want from me?”

“What? You like potatoes? You thought I was hot?!”

“They’re _okay_. And yeah, maybe.” His voice dropped to a mutter. “I mean, I would have never slept with you, and I wouldn’t be here now, if I didn’t find you reasonably attractive.”

Gilbert found it impossible to contain his excitement. “You think I’m hot! I have to tell everyone!”

“Who the fuck is everyone?! Sit your ass down!” Gilbert was nearly out of the booth when Lovino seized his arm and yanked him back. “We’re in the middle of a date!”

The air cleared a bit with Lovino’s confession and the evening became more relaxed. They talked through dinner, and when they’d finished Gilbert gave Lovino a ride back to his apartment. He parked by the perimeter and stepped out of the car.

“I’m not a girl,” Lovino said. “You don’t have to drop me off at my doorstep.”

“Hey, come on, I’m just trying to be a gentleman here.”

He smirked. “Are you sure you’re not just trying to get laid?”

“What? No!” The blood rushed to his face. Things were going good now, and he wasn’t going to risk anything that might ruin it.

However, Gilbert had been trying to think of the coolest way to steal a kiss, one that was sure to work, all the way back to Lovino’s apartment. And yet somehow, when the moment came and they were standing outside the door, his brain wasn’t working anymore.

It didn’t even register that Lovino opened the door and was waiting for him until he said, “Well?”

He stared blankly, wondering what the question meant.

“No, we’re not going to have sex. Yes, you can come inside.”


	36. Chapter 36

Gilbert sat alone in the cafeteria, half-eaten lunch forgotten, and stared off into nothing. His fingers casually brushed against his lips to mimic the feeling from the other night he couldn’t stop thinking about.

He still remembered the first time he ever visited Lovino’s apartment. As much as he’d disliked him at the time, he couldn’t help but be enticed by the prospect of getting a glimpse into Lovino’s private life. In the end, the only thing he learned was that Lovino clearly valued his personal appearance much more than he valued the state of his apartment. His closet was still full of fancy clothes, his bathroom stocked with hair and skin products, and the rest of his apartment was still a desperate mess of scattered dishes and school supplies.

When they had gone back to his apartment last night, though, he could tell that Lovino had made some efforts to tidy things up. Gilbert was relieved to find significant portions of the distracting mess to be gone. In fact, it was probably the cleanest he’d ever seen the place.

“Were you planning on bringing me back here tonight?” He wasn’t even teasing, he was honestly dying to know.

“I just had a little extra time on my hands and decided to organize some things,” Lovino said dismissively. He sat on the edge of the couch, and with a firm grip on Gilbert’s waist, tugged him down beside him. He leaned forward, his hands pressing against Gilbert’s chest to make him lie on his back.

This all felt so familiar. Lovino’s weight settling on top of him, his warm hands coming up to touch his face. How long had it been since they’d been this close? Gilbert’s fingers itched to touch him back.

His hand snaked up Lovino’s shoulder and griped the back of his neck to pull him in for a kiss. His lips were as warm and soft as ever, moving slowly, dragging against his. Eyes closed, Gilbert focused on the heat radiating between them, the tingling of his skin everywhere that Lovino touched him. It drifted on like that at a hazy, dreamlike pace, up till the moment that Lovino breathed in and gave him a deep, open-mouthed kiss.

Gilbert drew his knee up, his inner thigh grazing Lovino’s leg, and dug his fingers into Lovino’s shirt. His mind numbed as their tongues pushed and flickered against each other and all he could think about was how badly he didn’t want this to stop.

“I’m guessing the date went well.” The scene slipped back into a memory as Antonio sat down at the table. “You have this lovestruck look in your eyes.”

Gilbert chuckled to play it off but didn’t bother denying it outright.

“So? Tell me what happened.”

He didn’t know how to tell Antonio _‘We went out to eat and then we went back to his apartment and made-out and it was awesome’_ without feeling the spirit of Lovino and his impending wrath hanging over him. “Well, we… _talked_. A lot.”

Antonio gave him a smile that begged the question, “Do you think I’m that dumb?”

Gilbert barely caught sight of the girl walking past them and didn’t turn to look at her until he heard the faint, “Hi, Gilbert.”

Lily smiled and waved and kept walking, and it was such a polite and formal gesture that it really didn’t mean anything. College friends were like that. They were easy to make and easy to let go. And if Gilbert had wanted to, he probably could have gotten up and sat with her, talked with her, acted like they hadn’t been going to the same class every weekday like normal and yet not talked. There was no awkwardness, no real reason _not_ to talk. They’d just chosen to stay in their current circles, which just so happened not to cross over. And Gilbert couldn’t really feel any regret over it either. In retrospect, he was too busy falling for Lovino to have really chased after someone new. Antonio looked at him as if he expected Gilbert to explain what had just happened, but there wasn't much else to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned on doing more with Lichtenstein, and Switzerland too, but all of that ended up getting cut. Sorry if this feels like I’m just tossing their characters to the side ._.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 36 and 37 were published together cause they're short, but I felt they were important, and combining them would have felt weird. Next chapter is a return to smut, because I am just all over the place with this story.

"Hey, babe," Gilbert said into the phone. He was just getting home from store, dropping his keys and the grocery bags by the door.

He could practically hear Lovino wince on the other end, as he did all the times Gilbert used any kind of pet name on him. The reaction went unexplained beyond some mumbled excuse about pet names being lame and overused. He probably just wasn’t used to hearing them from another guy. Much less Gilbert. "What is it?"

"Do you know what today is?"

There was a suspicious pause. "Saturday?"

"It's our one-week anniversary!"

"No," he said instantly. "No. Who the fuck keeps track of those? No. You fucking—No."

"Guess what."

"No."

"I got you something."

" _NO_ ," he very nearly screamed. "Why the hell would you buy me a gift after _one week_ of dating? Put it back."

"It's too late, I already bought it."

" _Put it back_."

"It's nothing big, so you don't have to worry about it. I was actually kidding about the one-week anniversary thing. I just saw something that made me think of you and I wanted to get it."

Lovino’s voice softened. "I don't even know what to say to that."

"It's pretty sweet of me, huh?"

"I…I'm not buying you anything." And with that, he hung up.

Gilbert stuffed the small gift in his pocket, so he wouldn’t forget it, and began unpacking bags and putting food away. His thoughts dwelled on what, at the time, had seemed like a perfectly good idea. Maybe he shouldn’t have called ahead of time to announce it instead of just giving it to him. That was probably building it up too much. Well, he’d just have to own it now.

The instant Lovino opened the door to his apartment, he greeted Gilbert with an open hand. “Where’s my gift?”

Gilbert dropped the tomato shaped lip balm into his palm.

“This is what you called me to tell me about earlier?” He stared at the plastic casing, red and shiny at his fingertips. “Why did you buy me this?”

“I don’t know,” Gilbert said with a shrug. “It’s cute? It’s shaped like a tomato. And you always need new lip balm. And if I’m going to buy you something, it might as well be practical, right?” Lovino seemed to have an easier time accepting gifts if he could find a reason to keep them.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I mean…thanks.” He rolled it over in his hands, unscrewed the top that even had a rubber green stem sticking out of it, inspecting it. His eyes sparkled, a hint of a smile gracing his face.

“You like it!” Gilbert declared in triumph.

“It’s just lip balm. I can’t _hate_ it.”

“But you actually really like it! Look at your face!”

Lovino’s smile vanished. “Why are you saying that like you’re making fun of me?”

“No, that’s not it! It’s just that you can be really obvious when something means something to you. Your face just lights up.” What Lovino couldn’t convey with words, Gilbert could see if he just looked hard enough. “That’s one of the things I love about you.”

His eyes shot open, instantly turning red. He turned away as if he was going to blatantly ignore what Gilbert had said, but after a few moments, he said in a quiet voice, “Really?”

“Hm?”

“Do you really love that about me?”

“Of course I do.”

Lovino lingered on the words, stunned into silence.

Gilbert had always thought that the hard part about relationships was when you weren’t in but trying to be, and it was all supposed to be downhill once you started dating someone, but he still second-guessed most of his decisions when it came to Lovino. Then again, maybe he just didn't understand shit about relationships. He'd certainly never felt one hundred percent confident in any of his previous ones.

But when Lovino pulled him into a shy, closed mouth kiss, he figured he had to be doing something right.

 


End file.
